And While We're On The Subject Of Carp...

I just wanted to point out that about 75% of the terrifying Carp photos posted on the Net today, in connection with the news flash in the post below, show cowering humans THE WRONG KIND OF CARP. I have seen several handsome depictions this morning of Cyrinus Carpio. This is the basic, regular Carp that occurs naturally in Asia and Eastern Europe and has been spread from here to there by the humans working for us. Of course, being in ALL fresh waterways around the world makes them a MUCH LARGER THREAT to the human way of life than any Bighead, but LET'S KEEP THAT BETWEEN US, SHALL WE?

Breaking Piscatorial News -- Barrier Breached!

IT'S HAPPENED, LADIES. An Asian Bighead Carp -- a two-footer -- has just been found beyond the electric barrier set up between the Mississippi River and Great Lakes Basins. Michigan, Wisconsin, Illinois and Ontario are ALL IN A FERMENT. Mike Cox, the Michigan Attorney General, is vindicated and for all I know this will SAVE HIS GUBERNATORIAL CAMPAIGN COME NOVEMBER.

Of course, WE KNEW ALL ALONG that out operatives have LONG SINCE BREACHED THE BARRIER and have been building a solid working liaison with the native wildlife for SOME TIME. But you know how the Naked Apes are. It's not real to them until it shows up on ONE OF THEIR DAMNED GRAPHS or in ONE OF THEIR DAMNED TEST TUBES.

And I know I'm splitting hairs here, but can everyone please stop calling them Asian Carp? ALL the Carp species are Asian, for crying out loud. It's a perfect example of the nearsighted perspective of our foe, the Naked Ape -- the familiar Cyprinus carpio has been around so long, with the full cooperation and consent of humans, that they never think of them as a dangerous, invasive species BOUND TO FOUL UP THEIR PLANS. And how to they think the other Carp made it from China to Milwaukee -- magic? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT YOU'RE HELPING US DESTROY YOUR RACE.

FOOLS!

State Atty General Hinges Election Results On Asian Carp Hunt

HEARD IT ON NPR THIS MORNING! That's right, ladies; they reported that recent testing shows no Killer Asian Carp have made it into the Great Lakes. We all know Attorney General Mike Cox has been leading the charge against these imported operatives, getting all the Great Lake states together and vowing on whatever lawyers hold sacred that NO CARP SHALL PASS. So I'd think he'd be PRETTY HAPPY, right? Well, after that it got WEIRD. The newscaster asked whether this development is going to hurt Mike Cox's chances at becoming Governor. The commentator quite seriously responded that it could, but the fact that no

KILLER CARP

have been found in the Great Lakes could also be seen as a positive.

WHOSE SIDE IS THIS GUY ON, ANYWAY?

I can hear you asking. Literally. The phone calls poured in all morning, asking whether he is ON TO US, and whether he is ONE OF OUR OPERATIVES who somehow didn't make it into the Directory, and if the Attorney General IS turning into a fish, will that make it better or worse for our Lamprey sisters?

HERE'S THE DEAL, LADIES: He is NOT one of us. He's not even on the recruitment list at this point. He just doesn't want to lose his DRAMA RATING with the other featherless bipeds as Election Day closes in. Nothing makes a human look more pathetic to his fellows than getting everyone all worked up over NOTHING.

The Lampreys are safe!

Why I Love National Public Radio

It just seems to me that every time I turn on the radio, NPR is delivering another terrifying news flash about the

KILLER CARP!

Seriously, they're broadcasting ALL THE LIVELONG DAY about the Killer Carp DNA found in Lake Michigan, the push to CLOSE THE LOCKS AGAINST THE MENACE, an upcoming EMERGENCY CARP SUMMIT between the Great Lakes States (and for all I know Canada), and of course that one delicious report I've already blogged about here at Cliffie's Notes, describing the killer fish as reaching

FORTY FEET LONG!

CLICK HERE to taste the insanity!

A Recap: Luckily For Us, Humans Never Learn

Now, I know we've long since covered this in chapter meetings. But some of you don't have access to those meetings, and even if you were all attending every time, this sort of information ALWAYS BEARS REPEATING.

~

PROGRESS ALWAYS TRAVELS DOWNSTREAM, LADIES. We HARDLY HAVE TO DO A THING NOW because the Naked Apes are DOING THE JOB FOR US. Think back to the old days when our technology was much different and land operatives FEW AND FAR BETWEEN. This article, which came out some time ago now, was intended as a scare piece to MAKE US LOOK LIKE A THREAT TO THE STATUS QUO.

~

GET REAL. Fish ARE, ALWAYS HAVE BEEN, and ALWAYS WILL BE THE STATUS QUO. Human are a niggling little anchorworm under a single scale on the smallest of our children, easily PLUCKED and EATEN. If you're fool enough to loose MORE OF OUR OPERATIVES in what you imagine is your own territory, DON'T COME CRYING TO US.