Sunday, February 24, 2013

Humans Are So Easy To Manipulate!

...And the really amazing thing is THEY EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THAT FACT.  This time I found it in a children's book, of all places:  Walking Catfish by Susan Gray, part of the Animal Invaders series, put out by Cherry Lake Publishing in nearby Ann Arbor, MI.  ISBN 1602793913.  It's only 32 pages long, but it's a jewel of a book, full of TERRIFYING ACTION PHOTOS of Catfish legging it across wet grass, rainy pavement, and so on.

Says here that when the Great Walking Catfish Panic of 1967 began, because a few of our operatives were found in local waterways, having escaped from fishtanks up and down the state, we -- no, um, I mean the Florida Fish & Wildlife authority -- saw to it that owning a Walking Catfish was made illegal.  This spread a panic that put the original Catfish Terror to shame.  Remember:  FLORIDA STILL HAS THE DEATH PENALTY.  WHAT TO DO? 

Here's what they did:  they deposited ALL their Walking Catfish in local ponds, streams, reservoirs -- any place they could know their beloved pets would be safe.  And they went back to raising Neons, Danios and Gouramis, thinking they'd gotten themselves out of a bind.

THE REST IS HISTORY.  Behold Cliffie, the North American Conspiracy Zone Leader, a proud descendant of those escapees!  Dragging the Naked Apes into the sea forever, one monkey at a time, with your help.  We, the whiskered, salute you!

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Quote Of The Day

"Might it not be a mermaid?  It was possibly a mermaid.  It was probably a mermaid.  It was very probably a mermaid.  Nay, what else could it be but a mermaid?  It was certainly a mermaid..."
The ichthyologist in Nightmare Abbey, by Thomas Love Peacock

Saturday, February 16, 2013



This is by far my favorite Guy N. Smith novel so far.  (Published by Zebra in 1996; ISBN 0821755536.)  It's like a DREAM COME TRUE for fish operatives, a sort of fairytale with a happy ending written JUST FOR US.

The story revolves around the anxieties of Phil Quiles, the manager of a pumping station in the woods outside an English village called Hopwas.  When you go inside the little station house, you are confronted with an underground reservoir lit from above by buzzing flourescents, from within by something that seems to be a glowing fish, and monitored for Shaved Monkey purposes by an electronic panel.  What Phil HAS NEVER GUESSED is that a local eccentric millionaire -- and doesn't every out-of-the-way English country village have one?  -- has been sneaking in with his followers to makes obesiances to Mukasa, an ancient African fish goddess.  He has BIG PLANS for this reservoir...But does even he realize what has been digging its way out through the wall of the pumping station house?  WILL ANYONE SURVIVE?


>> This book has plenty of typically irritating, self-absorbed Naked Ape characters but they NEVER SEEM TO LIVE VERY LONG.  Bravo!

>>  Only those willing to ADAPT TO AN AQUATIC LIFE survive this story, in fact.  Unless they tick off the ancient African fish goddess, that is.

>> Can someone explain to me why every ancient African goddess in every story I read is a white-skinned blonde?  Huh?

>> The Shaved Monkey recruit thinks he is the one making all this happen -- probably because he is a millionaire who thinks he's pretty smart -- but in fact Mukasa is in charge at every point in this story.  EVENTUALLY HE FINDS THAT OUT.

I want to repeat:  READ THIS ONE!!!

Monday, February 11, 2013


I just really loved this Goldfish image and wanted to pass it on.
You can buy it here. 

Go ahead!

Friday, February 08, 2013

Fun Goldfish Facts!

Erudite, fish-savvy Naked Apes have a special collective noun for Goldfish:  a GLINT.  I think this snapshot, of Goldfish billetted outdoors and photographed from a monkey's-eye view, explains why.  FEEL FREE to show off this knowledge next time you are recruiting by a pond or tank with these operatives nearby.  The eyes of the Shaved Monkeys will already be fixed on the GLINT and you can explain to them what they are looking at.

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

"Frankenfish" Continues To Stump Best Minds In Monkeydom


SHOWN HERE is a photo taken back in spring of 2012, with a baffled angler gazing awestruck upon a FISH NOBODY CAN CLASSIFY.  They exclaim that the operative has the head of a Bream, the body of a brown Goldfish and the keester fin of a Roach.

She took the hook of this fisherman, a big name in angling, in order to FREAK HIS MONKEY BUNS OUT.
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.  WE know her true name, but THEY never will. 

Saturday, February 02, 2013

Crocodile Spring Begins At Last In South Africa

About 15,000 of our oppressed sisters were recently FREED FROM THEIR BONDS, making their way to a welcoming river that the local Shaved Monkeys call Limpopo, after HEAVY RAINS forced the owner of a South African Crocodile farm to open the pens.
The plan now on the part of the Homo Saps is to ROUND UP THE ESCAPEES and return to BUSINESS AS USUAL.  Yeah, that'll happen on this planet.  Our sisters have been biding their time patiently, knowing their day would come, AND IT HAS.  The decision from the Deep Trenches is that sacrificing ourselves to make purses, handbags and shoes for Naked Apes has RARELY BEEN WORTH THE EFFORT.  From now on, the idea is to simply KILL them.  And EAT them.
As you know from an earlier post on this very site that the Gator invasion in our own recruiting territory is going EXTAORDINARILY WELL.  The average Midwesterner has NO IDEA that he is being slowly surrounded by tremendous carnivores DISGUISED AS FLOATING LOGS.  Humans in Africa are far more tuned in to the reality of the situation.  BUT THEY ARE FAR MORE SURROUNDED.