Friday, March 20, 2015

It's That Time Of Year Again...

...Yeah.  Lent.

With the Carnival Season over, and we know the flesh has been bid a tender au revoir until the T-Bone season comes back around, LENTEN SPECIALS ARE ON EVERY MENU.  That means FISH, FISH, FISH on every plate, and that means OUR RECRUITING NUMBERS GO WAY UP. 


>> I have still not really grasped how the meat from a fish is not meat to some humans.  This curious detour into self-deception reaches its pinnacle of absurdity when you meet a "vegetarian" eating a Shrimp croquette.  But it affords us certain interesting recruitment opportunities, that's for sure. 

>> I am a little older than I look, and I can clearly remember the days when people didn't give up just one thing for Lent.  They gave up EVERYTHING that gave them any sort of pleasure or satisfaction.  Once upon a time, you see, Lent was about denying yourself earthly indulgences. Now the Shaved Monkeys generally give up just one thing that won't inconvenience them.  Like chocolate, or their favorite video game.

>> A lot of Shaved Monkeys now observe this half-baked version of Lent even though they are not Catholic.  I wonder what that's about?

>> Many Shaved Monkeys also observe Lent without observing the Carnival Season these days, which is interesting.  Observing the Carnival Season means partying your monkeys brains out, cheating on your spouse and eating everything in sight for weeks, culminating on Mardi Gras (which appropriately translates as "Fat Tuesday").  Interesting.  Of course, a lot of people head to New Orleans to celebrate Mardis Gras without going on to observe Lent, so figure that out if you can.  That's easier to understand than the reverse arrangement, I guess.  But I thought the two were really supposed to go together. 

>> While I'm not that thrilled that somehow in the Catholic mind, DENYING YOURSELF equals EATING FISH.  Bu the ones we successfully recruit have a greater chance that way of becoming Monkfish, which should make everyone happy. 

>> One change I do really object to is that when I was growing up on a Great Lake, the fish-on-Fridays rule was for EVERY WEEK OF THE WORLD.  Now somehow it's for Lent only.  Lent used to mean FISH EVERY SINGLE DAY, unless you went the rabbit-food-only or macaroni-and-cheese route.  What's happening in this world?  I ask you.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

A Salute To Sam Goldwyn

Now, why would Cliffie's Notes take ANY INTEREST in a deceased film producer?
Listen up, ladies, and I'll tell you why...
Sam Goldwyn was not ALWAYS Sam Goldwyn.  Long ago and far away he was a little boy in Poland named Szmuel.  One day, at the age of ten or eleven, he decided he was going to go to America, and to get there he legged it all the way across Europe and hopped across the Channel to England.  Someone there decided to 'English' his name, and changed Szmuel Gelbfisz to...Samuel Goldfish. 
I crap you negative.
From there, he sailed to New York, and then he hiked all the way across the North American landmass to the Pacific, where they keep Hollywood.  From there he became a big name in motion pictures, working mostly with United Artists and RKO Radio Pictures. 
At some point in there he founded his own motion-picture company, combining his new last name with the name of a business associate to create the word "Goldwyn."   Later still, he decided it would be a good idea to change his name to match that of the company, and Szmuel Gelbfisz, who had already become Samuel Goldfish, now became Sam Goldwyn.
So I just want you to keep this in mind when you're thinking about concealment techniques, including false names.  There are many ways to do it and it's really limited only by your imagination.  Come up with any idea you want that gives the wrong impression to human onlookers.  If you can get a smile out of it along the way, that'll be the gravy on the icing.  WE'LL PROVIDE ALL THE FAKE DOCUMENTS YOU NEED.