Sunday, July 30, 2017

An Image For You To Gaze Upon



...Just a little inspiration for tomorrow at the office.

And Speaking Of Eels, Have You Read THE NAUGHTY BOOK OF EEL RECIPES?



Because if you haven't, ladies, IT'S HIGH TIME YOPU PICKED UP A COPY.  This slender volume, ISBN 978-1511899048, is a JOY TO READ that REALLY CAPTURES SOMETHING I have been trying to instill in every new recruit for years:  FISH ARE FUN!  ESPECIALLY EELS!!!

The author thumbnails the lives of some Eel promoters from history and lists out quite a few Eel recipes.  The text is marred at times by sloppy copyediting; at one point he says you need a quantity of white, cubed, and only later in the recipe do you learn that he was talking about potatoes.  My only other quibble with this fine book is that he doesn't begin to show you the sheer VARIETY of Eel recipes out there, each and every one of which has brought us many, many new recruits owing to the principle of "If you eat any more of those Eels you're going to turn into one."  The author is evidently an Englishman who never thinks to include jellied Eels or the noble Eel pie -- not even grilled Eel served on top of, and with the fat poured over, the mashed potatoes.  (Rice would work, too, of course.)  There's just one Eel soup and not a single Eel sandwich or sushi recipe. 

NEVER MIND.  This book is still a good starting point for the beginner Eel chef.

BUY IT.  NOW.  THAT'S AN ORDER.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Unlikely Road Accident Leads to Unlikelier PR Benefit



This CRAZY SCENE, which caused a number of OUR FINEST HAGFFISH OPERATIVES to be cruelly sacrificed in the field, happened when a truck transporting MORE THAN A FEW Hagfish somehow spilled over onto the pavement, drenching several Shaved Monkey vehicles in their HEALTHFUL SLIME. 

The Naked Ape response was remarkable.  YOU'D THINK IT WAS SOME SORT OF DISASTER!  Afraid of handling the beleaguered ladies, FLAPPING IN AGONY ON THE BLACKTOP, they called in BULLDOZERS to pick them up and get them off the road.  They did not COUNT or NAME the victims, but WE KNOW WHO THEY ARE, and there will be a memorial service at your next monthly chapter meetings.

But here's the really odd part.  One Naked Ape eyewitness after another stated shudderingly that THEY HAD NO IDEA EELS WERE SO ICKY, and more than one vowed NEVER TO EAT ONE.  That ridiculous misinformation has been posted all over the world in the past few days.

Honestly, now, how can anyone be unable to tell a Hagfish from an Eel?  They look nothing alike, at least from the neck up:

 
The many-times-honored Hagfish operative, known before her transformation as Lou Ann Boozer, KILLED IN THE FRACAS (you can see her, foreground L, of the photo at the top of this blog entry, taken MINUTES before she died)


A regulation Eel, name withheld by request

It seems on the surface that this is a disaster, not for the Shaved Monkeys and their precious automobiles, but for US -- this was an important delegation of inter-conspiracy-zone WELCOME WAGON HAGFISH introducing yet more Korean recruits to the delights of HAGFISH DINING.  I can't deny that THIS DOES SLOW DOWN THAT PROJECT, CONSIDERABLY.

But here at HQ, WE HAVE BEEN WORRYING FOR MONTHS about how to take the heat off freshwater Eels so they can finally make some important progress, in areas I am NOT ABOUT TO POST ON THE INTERNET, without the CONSTANT interference of the featherless bipeds.  And suddenly, here the Eels are, FREE TO WRIGGLE AHEAD WITH THEIR TASKS.    Even the orders in sushi bars have dropped off markedly since the Hagfish got into their road accident -- something I NEVER thought would happen, because Naked Apes rightly LOVE their Eel sushi -- and suddenly our Eel operatives are living long enough to GET SOME THINGS DONE.

You never know, I guess!

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Just Saying "Welcome" To The New Iceberg!



Even the Shaved Monkeys finally noticed!!!  A RATHER LARGE PIECE OF ICE came loose from the larger mass at one end of the planet, from a sheet their "scientists" call Larsen C.  A newscaster -- also a Shaved Monkey -- passed on someone's estimate that the volume was TWICE THE SIZE OF LAKE ERIE, and, I hope, CONSIDERABLY CLEANER. 
 
OUR WORK CONTINUES!
 
New operatives are melting out into the ocean AS I TYPE THIS.  STAY TUNED!