Tuesday, January 12, 2016

In Honor, and In Memoriam



I had a very odd moment today in conversation with one of my highest-rated Shad operatives, known when she was still Homo sap. as Gladys C.  (Yes, I have her permission to tell you that much.)  She came to the office in a considerable state of distress, reporting that someone with a name familiar to me had died:




Now, this  moment was VERY INSTRUCTIVE as a reminder of what we are trying to accomplish here.  Gladys, who at this point CANNOT BE DISTINGUISHED from an authentic, unreformed, 100% hatched-in-the-ocean-and-married-in-the-Great-Lakes Shad, and who has been devoted to ENTIRELY AQUATIC duties since her transformation was complete some years ago now, has NEVER LOST TRACK of this unreformed, 100% human specimen.  And I support that. YOU SHOULD ALL BE AS FOCUSED ON MOURNING HIM AS SHE IS.

WHY IS THIS GUY IMPORTANT?  Because if every other Naked Ape were like him, we would not now be working towards transforming them all into fish.  HE IS WHAT HUMANS WERE MEANT TO BE ALL ALONG, and I have to say precious few of them are.  He is:

>> Focused on entertaining others of his species, not destroying every other species he enocunters;

>> Shallow as a drainage ditch, but you know, in a GOOD way;

>> Utterly experimental at all times, never committing to any course of action for long, which keeps him as well as others of his species entertained;

>> As flashy, fascinating and hard to take your eyes off as if he were a Goldfish;

>> Egotistical, like every member of his species, but aware of that fact and using it in a way that harms NOBODY; 

>> In love with sushi, but in a respectful way that does not involve gorging, wholesale slaughter of our sisters or other typically human depredations;

>> AWARE OF WHAT HE IS.  He doesn't refer to it that often in his songs, but here's one example from "Mombasa Night Flight:"
 
"Wise like Orangutan, that was me!"
 
Search through his songs and you will find other references like it.  This one is only the most obvious.  What I like about this guy is that he is totally OK with what he is, but sometimes he gets bored with it and changes over to something else for a while.  He never forgets -- forgot, he never FORGOT -- that he is only a Naked Ape, but making the best of it at every moment.
 
I would never have needed to make the kind-of-terrifying leap from Shaved Monkey to what I am now IF EVERY NAKED APE COULD BE LIKE HIM.  But they won't, they don't want that, and that makes it even sadder that this rare specimen is no longer going to be setting an example for others of his kind.
 
It is probably too much to ask that he could be handed over to us for burial.  WE WOULD HONOR HIM AS HE DESERVES.
 
As it stands, we are going to honor Gladys, staunch Shad operative who has never forgotten for an instant what we are doing here and why. 
 
Keep your eyes open.  (For you new recruits, that's a fish in-joke; fish don't have eyelids.)  Once in a great while there is a human being of David Bowie's caliber, even if they don't all have his style.  We will honor the memory of this unique human specimen as we honor Gladys, and all the other Gladyses out there.
 
David Bowie will be a hero much, much longer than one day.  For the moment, I want ALL THE FISH IN THE GREAT LAKES TO MOURN THIS MAN.  If it feels like a crazy thing to do, it isn't.  IT'S THE ONLY THING TO DO RIGHT NOW.