Tuesday, December 26, 2017

What Spirit Did You Mean, John?



Here's a quote from the Book of John, Chapter 3, Verse 5, from the shaved monkeys' Christian Bible:

"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God."

Now what do we make of this, ladies?  The kingdom of WHAT God?  What spirit?  And, more to the point, WHAT WATER?


Saturday, December 23, 2017

This Year's Squidmas Table



If you're fresh out of Eels ready for jellying, look in the pantry or freezer for some Pilchards or Sardines you can bake up into this lovely "Stargazey Pie," a Cornwall invention that NEEDS POPULARIZING here in the USA.  A pie made from scratch out of whole fish, hard-boiled eggs, mustardy bacon, and fish-scented custard that looks like SWAMPWATER might be a stretch for a people who live primarily on cola, cellophane-wrapped snack cakes and bacon cheeseburgers, but DON'T GIVE UP HOPE, MY SARDINE SISTERS.  Many North Americans struggle with a terror of any sort of food.  They end up locking themselves in the bathroom with a juicer, a bushel of homegrown organic beets and a gallon of spring water so nothing contaminated ever touches their snowflake palates.  Others fed up with restricting themselves are UP FOR A DARE.  And this party dish certainly qualifies.
GET READY TO PAR-TAY, LADIES!




Saturday, December 09, 2017

Remember To Keep The Squid In Squidmas...


...AND ALL THE OTHER CEPHALOPODS, TOO.

Friday, December 08, 2017

Also Just In Time For Squidmas...



...THIS beautiful flower is blooming under lights, here in the secret sub-basement of the Manoogian Mansion.  I look and I look and I simply cannot get over how much it looks like an inside-out Cuttlefish!  And it's blooming right at Squidmastime!
 
MERRY SQUIDMAS, EVERYONE!!!
 
 

This Is So Wrong That Words Fail Me...



Apparently these calendars are being released EVERY YEAR. 
And we knew NOTHING about it.
I simply do not know what to say about this.
The person who reported this OBSCENITY to one of our operatives rushed to explain, "It's for a good cause!"
WHAT good cause, for Scrod sakes?  Some crazy thing I never heard of called Spirit Horse NL.  I was worried it would have something to do with SCARING FISH -- dear sweet Scrod, look at that photo -- but it's about TORMENTING HORSES to improve Shaved Monkey MENTAL HEALTH.  The ironic twist being that NONE of the monkeys in any of these calendars ever shaves.  All the models are members of the Newfoundland Beard and Moustache Club. 
(This species really DOES have social organizations for everything.  Now do you believe me, ladies?  Oh, you landfish have been seeing it all along, but I can never really convince the fully aquatic operatives of our glorious Cause.  Do you SEE now?)
Excuse me.  I need to go put an ice pack on my head.