Saturday, May 28, 2016

Snakehead Invasion Continues Successful

Says here in the May 27th Washington Post that a couple of bowfishermen in Maryland nailed one of our operatives, a Snakehead who topped 18 pounds.  This is apparently a new record for them; THEY DO LIKE TO KEEP TRACK OF THESE THINGS. 

I want to point out that Snakehead operatives get much, much larger than THAT and I include the Potomac population.  You full-time landfish are forced to IMAGINE the great things going on under the surface of our Conspiracy Zone's Lakes, rivers and ponds.  AS SOON AS YOU JOIN US UNDER THE WATER, ALL WILL BE REVEALED.

The operative who sacrificed himself to the bowfishermen aboard the Marsh Rat has asked not to be named online.

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

This Really Burns Me Up!

THIS is why we need to free the fish! 
Let them swab their own decks.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

A Committee Report...

This is the latest report from the Chair of the Asian Carp Regional Coordinating Committee (shown above):

"Ladies and Gentlemen,
   "I am very happy to report that our efforts have not gone to waste.  Not only have we continued to spread Asian Carp influence all over the Midwest; not only have the so-called Bighead, Silver, Black and Grass Carp armies captivated the imaginations of MILLIONS of Naked Apes all over dry-land North America; but president Obama has actually created his OWN oversight group, ALSO called the Asian Carp Regional Coordinating Committee, to try to keep us in check.  After the laughter in our ranks died down over THAT magnificent gaffe, I had to admit that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery if you are a primate. 
   "Best of all, NONE OF THEM EVEN SUSPECTS what we are really up to because they are so worried about what will happen if our operatives sneak into the Great Lakes.  Good show, everyone!"

Monday, May 09, 2016

Calls And Letters Are Flooding In!

In the past 10 minutes or less, since posting the preceding blog entry, I have received over 5,300 calls and e-mails here underneath the Manoogian Mansion demanding to know where I got the photo of the killer Goldfish:

I'm sorry to say it is NOT a photo of one of our operatives, but the brainchild of someone at the Weekly World News.  Here's the article.

In Case You Ladies Need A Laugh Today...

Sunday, May 08, 2016

I Think They Call This "The Old Double-Cross"

BEHOLD one of the most DARING operatives of the South Pacific Fish Conspiracy Zone, who asked not to be named because she's gotten enough news coverage to last her a lifetime already.  She's posing here with two recruits, obtained in a REALLY odd way. 

Ron Fairbrass, and his buddy Cliff *cough* Dale, of Hull, England, had a friend named Ron Hopper who loved to fish with them.  He fell ill and died before this particular trip, to the spit of land they call Thailand.  Before he passed into the Great Wherever, they came up with the unusual idea of incorporating Ron's ashes into their fishing bait, so he could still go on the trip with them and catch fish, in a certain sense.  Into the water went the bait and who appeared, ready to work, but the operative above!  This was a particularly big deal to the record-keeping apes because she exceeds, by a good 46 pounds, the size of the largest Carp ever caught in those waters.

To me, the beauty of this moment is in the fact that where the operative shown in the news photo above has captured, in an instant, HUNDREDS of new recruits, it LOOKS as if the recruits caught HER. It feeds the Shaved Monkey ego while bringing them ever closer to their final DOOM.  We do this CONSTANTLY of course, but it's a rare operative who also gets to use their own newsfeeds to bring in FURTHER land apes, as she did.

Sort of a win-win situation!

"Carpageddon" From OUR Perspective

Well, HERE WE GO AGAIN.  You just can't seem to stop the Australian Shaved Monkeys from releasing NEW SPECIES into what they think of as "their territory" -- FAR FROM SURPRISING when you consider that they, themselves, are a FOREIGN INFESTATION.  You know the old saying:  MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DO.

In this example, we find that some enterprising featherless biped thought it would be PERFECTLY SENSIBLE to farm European Catfish in the barren, forbidding desert.  I hardly need to tell you what happened next.  The Carp operatives, never fond of captivity, BRANCHED OUT to do Dagon's good works in the unexplored waterways of the new country.


NEVER does it occur to their monkey selves that it may have been MEANT TO HAPPEN THIS WAY ALL ALONG.  So the next step, VERY predictably, is the introduction of a Carp-specific herpes virus that they are calling, with typical Naked Ape hyperbole, CARPAGEDDON.  This is also a half-bright attempt to AVOID calling the operatives themselves CARPAGEDDON. 

They do fear us, ladies.  They look into the faces of our Carp operatives, and they see their own TOMBSTONES.

And we know exactly where it goes from here!  This is the myxomatosis assassination of the Australian Rabbit all over again.  Most of us may die, true -- but a few will survive, and pass their herpes resistance to their children, and their children after them.


Saturday, May 07, 2016

It's Not Mother's Day Around Here...

In the North American Fish Conspiracy Zone, it's already Manda Day again!  Can you believe it?

With every year that passes, I find MORE Manda memorabilia available to buy in toy stores, online, and in the various and sundry 'otaku holes' of Shaved Monkey society.  They range from the utterly cute...

To the sincerely worshipful...

...And every gradation in between:

Well, YOU LADIES KNOW WHAT TO DO.  Go sink a sub in Manda's name!

It's That Time Of Year Again, Ladies...

...And the fearless and eternal Algae Collective, humorously known as Pondscum, once again opens itself to the depredations of Shaved Monkey researchers, not-so-humorously known as the Landscum.  WE DO IT GLADLY, hoping that somehow this will be the year when they FINALLY UNDERSTAND WHO THEY'RE LOOKING AT.

I'm not holding my breath, personally.

Sunday, May 01, 2016

I Am NOT Going To Be Reviewing This Book For You...

I just wanted to make clear to my readership that the fish conspiracy has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with this publication, currently available to read on your Kindle, ASIN B015BH04HA. 

The Nessie Collective wishes to state, in the clearest possible terms, that the name and image were used on the cover of this e-book WITHOUT PERMISSION.

If you DOUBT that statement, let me show you some of this guy's other book covers:

Clearly this Shaved Monkey author is...
off on a tangent ALL HIS OWN.

If it wouldn't blow our cover, BELIEVE ME, we'd slam a LAWSUIT up his tail.  And even if we did he'd probably love it.