Tuesday, November 16, 2010


I have to say I wasn't expecting much. This paperback by Christopher Moore (HarperCollins, 2004) looked at first as if it were going to be MORE OF THE SAME after I read his other one, Lust Lizard Of Melancholy Cove, but was I ever wrong! The story certainly starts out much the same, BUT IT BRANCHES OUT NICELY FROM THERE, BELIEVE ME.
Let me not spoil the story for you. Suffice to say that THIS IS A LEVEL AND TYPE OF CONSPIRACY WORK that I seriously hope they are looking into over in R&D. It's like a MUCH LESS USER-FRIENDLY version of the technology we read about in The Godwhale by the Great Scribe T.J. Bass. And, in fact, some of it is DISTURBINGLY SIMILAR to what we are doing in the here & now. BUT IT'S JUST FICTION, LADIES.
By all means, read this one. It's not to be missed.

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Saturday, November 06, 2010

An Image For You To Gaze Upon



I couldn't go MYSELF to investigate the question of ACTUAL LOBSTER INVOLVEMENT in the events described in Fred Rosen's book (1995, Kensington Publications). We've just had TOO MUCH COOKING, what with the oil spills in the Gulf of Mexico, in Kalamazoo, Michigan and the other one in Ontario. And let's be honest, the Lobster Boy story is SO OVER WITH. But I sent out some of my crack operatives. Our point woman on this case was an investigative journalist when she was still human -- and she's transformed since into a really outstanding Eel operative, and as such is still entirely amphibious -- to get to the bottom of this story. This one sent shock waves through our community when the book first hit the newsstands, and has continued to generate rumors ever since -- LO, THESE MANY YEARS.

You can all STAND DOWN -- and stop shooting suspicious glances at our Lobster sisters at the chapter meetings. ALL IS WELL. The murder of Grady Stiles, aka Lobster Boy, was 100% Shaved Monkey Business. No Lobsters are implicated in any way. Grady Stiles himself is no more a crustacean than I am -- he is just a funny-looking Naked Ape.

Ladies, you might want to read this to reflect on ALL YOU ARE LEAVING BEHIND when you make the change-over from human to fish. The book captures a typically sordid tale of Shaved Monkey greed and malfeasance.


>> Mr. And Mrs. Stiles deserved each other, if you ask me. He hit her, she left him, she remarried, that guy lost his income, she dumped him and went back to her first husband. Then she bumped him off. FISH OR CUT BAIT, LADY. Sheesh.

>> We never hear that much about Mrs. Stiles other than the facts above. Grady, we learn much more about. HE'S A BIG JERK.

>> The missus even got other people in on the act, as if it were of some benefit to them to bump the guy off. There wasn't, really. While nobody's interior sun appears to have dimmed THAT much on Grady's death, he was a reliable cash cow for the whole family. He was the center of the family's sideshow act (think the Osmonds or the Flying Wallendas, only with missing digits). As a family they provided needed economic stimulus to the impoverished town where the dramatic personae all lived when they weren't on the road.

>> Fred Rosen has published a stack of books JUST LIKE THIS ONE, minus the Lobster angle, listing the behavioral excesses of other members of his species. Reading through them is like wading across a landscape of dead Naked Apes, bumped off for the insurance money, killed by contract, stomped to death in a fit of anger, strangled in the name of a 10-minute sexual release, then stuffed into garbage bags by adults who have not yet been fully housebroken. If Rosen gives you the impression that this is going on everywhere, all the time, all over the world, WELL, THAT'S ENTIRELY CORRECT. The only thing that makes this case stand out is the Lobster claws, which (I hasten to remind you) aren't even the real thing. This is the species that calls US inferior, brutal and amoral. Rosen has picked out a nice livelihood for himself, documenting this sort of behavior. >>shudder<<

>> Imagine KILLING a guy like that and then not EATING him.

>> As near as I could tell, there was no real piscatorial theme in the Styles family sideshow act. There was no attempt to recruit fans into a piscatorial way of life. Not a whiff of brine in their private lives or religious faith (if indeed they had any).

>> The take-home message here for a fish reader: you can reassure yourself that you are NOT LIKE THIS. I came away pretty happy that I am more and more Clarias batrachis, less and less Homo sap.

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