Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Unlikely Road Accident Leads to Unlikelier PR Benefit

This CRAZY SCENE, which caused a number of OUR FINEST HAGFFISH OPERATIVES to be cruelly sacrificed in the field, happened when a truck transporting MORE THAN A FEW Hagfish somehow spilled over onto the pavement, drenching several Shaved Monkey vehicles in their HEALTHFUL SLIME. 

The Naked Ape response was remarkable.  YOU'D THINK IT WAS SOME SORT OF DISASTER!  Afraid of handling the beleaguered ladies, FLAPPING IN AGONY ON THE BLACKTOP, they called in BULLDOZERS to pick them up and get them off the road.  They did not COUNT or NAME the victims, but WE KNOW WHO THEY ARE, and there will be a memorial service at your next monthly chapter meetings.

But here's the really odd part.  One Naked Ape eyewitness after another stated shudderingly that THEY HAD NO IDEA EELS WERE SO ICKY, and more than one vowed NEVER TO EAT ONE.  That ridiculous misinformation has been posted all over the world in the past few days.

Honestly, now, how can anyone be unable to tell a Hagfish from an Eel?  They look nothing alike, at least from the neck up:

The many-times-honored Hagfish operative, known before her transformation as Lou Ann Boozer, KILLED IN THE FRACAS (you can see her, foreground L, of the photo at the top of this blog entry, taken MINUTES before she died)

A regulation Eel, name withheld by request

It seems on the surface that this is a disaster, not for the Shaved Monkeys and their precious automobiles, but for US -- this was an important delegation of inter-conspiracy-zone WELCOME WAGON HAGFISH introducing yet more Korean recruits to the delights of HAGFISH DINING.  I can't deny that THIS DOES SLOW DOWN THAT PROJECT, CONSIDERABLY.

But here at HQ, WE HAVE BEEN WORRYING FOR MONTHS about how to take the heat off freshwater Eels so they can finally make some important progress, in areas I am NOT ABOUT TO POST ON THE INTERNET, without the CONSTANT interference of the featherless bipeds.  And suddenly, here the Eels are, FREE TO WRIGGLE AHEAD WITH THEIR TASKS.    Even the orders in sushi bars have dropped off markedly since the Hagfish got into their road accident -- something I NEVER thought would happen, because Naked Apes rightly LOVE their Eel sushi -- and suddenly our Eel operatives are living long enough to GET SOME THINGS DONE.

You never know, I guess!