Breaking Piscatorial News -- Barrier Breached!

IT'S HAPPENED, LADIES. An Asian Bighead Carp -- a two-footer -- has just been found beyond the electric barrier set up between the Mississippi River and Great Lakes Basins. Michigan, Wisconsin, Illinois and Ontario are ALL IN A FERMENT. Mike Cox, the Michigan Attorney General, is vindicated and for all I know this will SAVE HIS GUBERNATORIAL CAMPAIGN COME NOVEMBER.

Of course, WE KNEW ALL ALONG that out operatives have LONG SINCE BREACHED THE BARRIER and have been building a solid working liaison with the native wildlife for SOME TIME. But you know how the Naked Apes are. It's not real to them until it shows up on ONE OF THEIR DAMNED GRAPHS or in ONE OF THEIR DAMNED TEST TUBES.

And I know I'm splitting hairs here, but can everyone please stop calling them Asian Carp? ALL the Carp species are Asian, for crying out loud. It's a perfect example of the nearsighted perspective of our foe, the Naked Ape -- the familiar Cyprinus carpio has been around so long, with the full cooperation and consent of humans, that they never think of them as a dangerous, invasive species BOUND TO FOUL UP THEIR PLANS. And how to they think the other Carp made it from China to Milwaukee -- magic? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT YOU'RE HELPING US DESTROY YOUR RACE.

FOOLS!