Friday, June 11, 2010

Enter The Sea? Now? Is That A Good Idea?

The cards, letters and phone calls are POURING IN, asking me one question over and over: IS THIS REALLY A GOOD TIME TO ENTER THE SEA AND CHANGE FROM HUMAN TO FISH? Our operatives are WORRIED SICK about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, the longliners, the gillnetters, the purse-seiners, the human filth pouring into every body of water from every sewage pipe, not to mention the WAD OF PLASTIC THE SIZE OF THE AFRICAN CONTINENT twirling slowly around and around in the Horse Latitudes.

The short answer is, YES, LADIES; THIS IS A GREAT TIME TO BECOME A FISH. We have never needed underwater support MORE, and we DEFINITELY need fewer and fewer bipeds up on dry land.

The longer answer is that IT'S NOT AS BAD DOWN HERE AS YOU MIGHT BE PICTURING. A lot of the short harvests experienced by commercial fishing boats, for instance, are OF OUR OWN DEVISING. There are plenty of WHOLE SPECIES down there no human has ever heard of, and WE ARE ALL WORKING TOGETHER to defeat the menace of the Shaved Monkeys. There is still clean water to breathe and when you arrive, YOU WILL BE AMONG FRIENDS FOREVER.

Of course, they also have no clue how many fish are UP ON DRY LAND, working to end their reign forever. We need you THERE. We need you HERE.

Keep close the GOOD NEWS that WORRY IS A HUMAN INVENTION. Once you transform completely into a fish, you will have NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, AND NOTHING TO WORRY WITH. Now how bad can that be?

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Blogger Ur-spo said...

I don't want to be a fish; can I be an orca?

8:06 PM  
Anonymous Cliffie said...

Well, of course!

5:05 AM  

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