THE LIGHTNING THIEF

This often intriguing novel (ISBN 9780786838653) is the first book in a "Young Adult" series called Percy Jackson & the Olympians.  I approached this one with trepidation, if only because EVERYONE was telling me to read it, and we all know how that came out when I allowed myself to be pressured into reading other wildly popular titles like (gag) THE DA VINCI CODE.  This was a substantially better read, especially for a YA title.  However, as a recruitment manual I am not at all sure I can recommend it.  Allow me to explain:

CLIFFIE'S NOTES ON THIS ALMOST-FISHLESS NOVEL OF PISCATORIAL LOVE:

THE PROS:

>> This is at least the story of an alienated youth who finds a sense of rightness in his life when he finally gets in touch with his piscatorial side. 

>> I love the way the central character, Percy Jackson, bounces back from any adversity if he just gets in the water.  Any of us knows the restorative feeling of getting wet, or even getting close to the water, when we are overcome with the strain of trying to draw humans into the sea while being trapped up on dry land ourselves.  As they used to say in the 1970s when I was still human, I can really relate to that.

>> At no point do the Fish People in this story come across as monstrous or even weird.  Nice change of pace.

>> I like the way it's the water itself that makes Percy feel more powerful.  That's, you know, accurate. 

>> I like that they make clear that at this point in the story, Percy is only half-human and still he is feeling all these powerful effects from getting wet. 

>> He also makes the most of his hemi-demi-semi-humanity, if that a word; like the best landfish operatives, he makes good use of his land and his water sides without feeling he has to sacrifice either one.

>> Poseidon is a decent parallel to Dagon, Whose Roiling Intestine we will all occupy in wonder and glory.  This guy does seem kind of approachable and reassuring, at least as human-created deities go.

THE CONS:

>> How is this kid living in and around New York City for twelve years -- a city built on a chain of islands, with water just a stone's throw away at all times -- without realizing that he is what he is?  There's something terribly wrong there. 

>> What's with all the drama?  Percy can't just walk into the water and never come out again, like the rest of us?  Here he is flying around on his ass practically making miracles happen -- defeating monsters with only a ballpoint pen, bargaining and pulling strings with deities and generally doing things that are humanly impossible.  I don't want young fish gals getting that kind of loopy expectation.

>> This nonsense about behavior problems and ADHD being a sign that you're actually not human -- in fact, way better than human -- is beyond ridiculous.  All a diagnosis of ADHD means is that you ARE human who's missing out, and that you need to lay off the video games and stop acting like a dumbass.  And this part of the story creates another false expectation in overly impressionable children.  We want them to think of themselves as Shiners and Carp, not frikkin' demigods with supernatural powers that would make a Moray laugh.

>> Which brings me to the clincher: Where are all the fish in this story?  Huh?  At one point, Percy had a conversation with a Zebra and I immediately thought, hey, a conversation with a Goldfish can't be far behind!  But it never happened.  Again, this is a kid who's lived in a major city all his life, surrounded by not only seawater, but filled with pet stores, fish markets, oyster bars, you name it...And apparently he's never communicated in any way with a fish.  We never see him eat one.  So much is made of the tin cans eaten by his friend the satyr, but Percy just eats whatever's put in front of him without noticing, only leaning towards blue foods because it's a private joke he has with his mom.  Who's a human.

>>  The fact that this entire story swings on the ancient storylines of the Greek gods gives me the willies.  Percy is apparently not only a character in one of those stories, but a guy whose life has been lived out many times, always following exactly the same storyline.  His friend the satyr tells us so.  So is this guy a piscatorial demigod in life after life who never figures out until someone tells him that he can turn to the powers of a glass of water to make his life right?  Did he not grow up in a place with a bathtub, a shower head, a faucet strategically placed here and there?

While I can't quibble with the idea of a young person finding his true destiny in the water, I find it a little hard to swallow that it took the son of Poseidon until his early teens to notice that he had a special relationship with the local Clams, Goldfish and Basking Sharks.  Maybe it's not ADHD.  Maybe he's just lame.  Or maybe this story was just written by a Homo sap. with no real grasp of what it's like to be fundamentally allied, from birth, with the water and its residents.

This Warmed My Two-Chambered Heart...

"An Austrian tourist wanted to get 'face-to-face' with sharks, so he went diving in waters baited with bloody fish parts. And he got ate. A friend was asked to describe the man. He needed only two words: 'Good chum.'" 

 

-- Bill Maher, in The New New Rules

I Just Saw AQUAMARINE again...

...and as ditzy as the movie is, I have to say I liked it BETTER this time than last.  It dawned on me as I watched that this is much less a RECRUITING video for young girls than it is a CONCEALMENT tool for the hordes establishing a beachhead for the  fish army, be they landfish or fully aquatic operatives.

Simply put, NO recruiter trying to draw men into the sea would:

>> Hang around with teenaged girls who couldn't get a date with a male of their own species if they paid him for it;

>> Take the man-catching advice of said teenaged girls (AS IF WE NEEDED IT);

>> Leave the scene before the job is done, not once but over and over again;

>> Follow a bunch of crazy, obviously human rules about defying parents regarding arranged marriages, proving that love really exists, and so forth;

>> Long for something she can't have in an utterly human fashion (see also "The Little Mermaid" by Hans Christian Andersen);

>> Get stuck in a swimming pool in a storm, for Pete's sake;

>> Form a liaison with a Homo sap. male and then swim off into the ocean, leaving him behind;

>> Ever, ever, ever let her true identity be known to anyone other than a superstitious 18th-century sailor who hasn't seen a woman in 2 years.

All I'm saying is that with this sort of meme bobbing in the waves, humans will not suspect the true nature of a fish woman who is genuinely working on drawing humans into the sea, and thus not recognize them on the hoof.  And of course, the male recruiter will have deeper cover than ever.

I Liked This Gif Meditation As Well

An Image For You To Gaze Upon In Wonder And Delight

THE MIST

Now, I really don't want to get into the USUAL ARGUMENT about the loyalties, origin or exact species of the various critters we saw in The Mist, a 2007 release based on the Stephen King story of the same name and put together by the same guy (using much of the same human acting cast) who later came up with The Walking Dead.  But I do want to make a few points:

CLIFFIE'S NOTES ON THE MIST:

>> I want to note how the lovely lass SHOWN ABOVE seems to simply wait patiently outside the front doors of the grocery store, reaching over casually to pick up and  dine upon recruit anyone who walks past, for instance this guy:

>> She behaves, in other words, like ANY of our operatives, FISHING WHERE THE FISH ARE instead of racing around going after dubious quarry that will simply flee and hide from us, I mean HER.  The characters in this movie COME TO BE RECRUITED, and the recruiting operative KNOWS it -- a pattern of calm awareness we instill in every good operative.  

>> I also want to point out how calmly and WILLINGLY he goes to be recruited, as seen here:

>> AND I want to point out how fully-human fans of this movie call her the "Mantis Monster."  Just bear in mind that HUMANS ALWAYS GET THIS STUFF WRONG.  Seriously, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A MANTIS TO YOU?

>> One thing that really comes across in this movie is the element of CHOICE.  We don't want to recruit EVERYONE (just yet) and -- incredibly -- not everyone wants to BE recruited.  Look at Melissa McBride's character, not given a name in the credits.  SHE chooses not to be recruited, and WE choose to go along with that.  There's the happy ending.

>> Not that her turn will never come.  Heh heh heh.

Your New Word For The Day!

I was just over on Goodreads and read someone else's review of The Founding Fish by John McPhee.  Even, now, in the later stages of my transformation from Homo sap. into Clarias batrachis, I love to learn new vocabulary words -- I probably love them even more now, because soon I will have to LEAVE THEM BEHIND FOREVER.  Now THERE's something no Catfish of any description has to struggle with -- NOSTALGIC LONGINGS.  But I digress...This reviewer introduced a new word that ANY landfish will really love:  SHAD-GASM.

 

I suggest you all start using it IMMEDIATELY.  The first operative to use the word SHAD-GASM correctly in a sentence at our upcoming monthly chapter meeting gets A LITTLE SOMETHING EXTRA from her detachment leader.

 

Oh, here's the review: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/27719937

 

The funny thing is, he really didn't like the book that much.  Or he THINKS he didn't.  Could it be that McPhee made that all-important FIRST CONTACT that will ultimately allow us to recruit him for our glorious Cause?