This Is Going Too Far

Seriously, ladies. I know there are ALWAYS A FEW SHAVED MONKEYS who won't rest until they find something REALLY EXOTIC for the living room. But genetically engineering our operatives to attract and recruit them is JUST SILLY. We want to recruit many, many humans, too many to leave a VIABLE BREEDING POPULATION up on dry land. BUT WE DON'T NEED THE RIDICULOUS ONES WHO WANT TO OVERSPEND ON ARTIFICIAL PISCATORIAL LIFEFORMS.

This is EVEN SILLIER when you consider how many PERFECTLY FINE SPECIES are already luminous, color-changing, OR BOTH. Can't these people just ADOPT A CUTTLEFISH?

USA's #1 Spectacular Recruiting Station

Come on down to the Weeki Wachee Springs Mermaid Camp!

Seriously, does it get any better than this? For $175, the children of your Naked Ape friends and neighbors can taste the joys of MERMAID LIVING while they STILL HAVE MAMMALIAN LUNGS! Not every single participant comes away recruited for life, but it happens MORE OFTEN THAN NOT. The Weeki Wachee Living Mermaid City benefits, Florida tourism benefits, and we benefit.

I want to ask you again: DOES IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS?

Gee, They Don't Look Like Kittens To Me

The operatives at the local chapter meetings are laughing themselves SICK over PETA's latest loopy campaign -- this time trying to rename us "SEA KITTENS" to keep the Shaved Monkeys from eating us. Only a group of Homo saps could put their heads together and come up with THAT idea. I would be much angrier about PETA's attempts to keep Fish and Humans apart if they weren't such KNUCKLEHEADS.

I'd like to note here that the above image is what Google gave me when I typed in "Sea Kitten."

This is funnier than the anti-Hermit Crab campaign advertising Crab ownership as undignified to decapods. If these people had any of the BRAINS their species is always bragging about, they would have mentioned that THOUSANDS of Hermit Crabs die in misery in under-heated, bone-dry cages sourrounded by inedible food, undrinkable water and the reeking bodies of their dead comrades. I think that would have been more productive than getting humans to try to divine how dignified their Hermits feel. BUT NOBODY ASKED ME.

A Thought He's leaving Us With...

"I know the human being and fish can co-exist peacefully."

- George W. Bush, September 2000

YEAH, WE KNOW IT TOO. YOU'LL SEE.

--Cliffie

Happy New Year!

Now let's get out there and recruit our tailfins off!