Troubling Security Leak

Even the string of hurricanes and earthquakes across our Conspiracy Zone didn't push THIS off the front pages of the Shaved Monkey's virtual newspapers:

A Crab operative halfway around the world from here, WHO ASKED TO REMAIN NAMELESS ON THIS BLOG, was captured on security cam escaping a pot of boiling water and turning off the stove, saving her comrades from CERTAIN DEATH.  The point was not, of course, to prevent themselves from being EATEN -- allowing oneself to be eaten by those we plan to dominate is a standard recruiting tactic -- but to make sure that the Naked Ape they were planning to recruit had arrived first.  SHE'S ALWAYS LATE FOR DINNER and intelligence indicated that she had a flat several miles away.  The operation was TOTALLY SUCCESSFUL -- the recruit had precisely the right crab for dinner and she is on her way to becoming ONE OF US.  

What troubles me, ladies, is the fact that the featherless bipeds would train a security camera on our theater of operation.  What were they looking for? 

I Hardly Know Where To Begin!

WHERE DOES IT ALL END?  Harvey, Irma, Jose, Maria, and WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE WARMING UP IN THE BULLPEN!  What an incredible year we've had!

I love the way the Shaved Monkeys are SO IMPRESSED by our recruiting festivals that they NAME them.  AFTER THEMSELVES, of course, but that can't be helped.  THEY CAN'T PRONOUNCE OUR REAL NAMES ANYWAY!  

Regardless of the number of recruits enrolled during each individual storm, NOBODY CAN DENY that we are DRENCHING their territories as a way of saying WELCOME TO OUR WORLD!

I just hope we can fit in a few more of these before the season ends.

 

In "Harvey's" Wake

Welcome, fully aquatic operatives, to GREATER HOUSTON.  Here is a map showing the areas opened up by Hurricane Harvey for you to TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT GOES ON in the territories we are working on CONQUERING.  I was gratified to hear a Shaved Monkey news commentator say that the flooded area is as large as Lake Michigan.  This is another major opportunity by landfish and fully aquatic operatives to meet and exchange resources RIGHT OUT IN THE OPEN.

I have to say the recruiting figures in the wake of this storm have been CURIOUSLY LOW.  Not nearly as many Naked Apes joined our ranks as we've come to EXPECT after more than 51 inches of rain come down.  We may be able to attribute this anomaly to the FILTH leaking into the floodwater from that PETROCHEMICAL PLANT they keep blathering about on the news.  THAT'S REALLY JUST MY BEST GUESS.  Texas is one of the states that voted in this climate-change-denying figurehead, and so by rights they should have sat there and IGNORED THE HURRICANE.

Or maybe the people who got out of the way of the water were of Mexican extraction, disinclined to listen to President 45?

It doesn't matter.  LET'S GET WET!