YOUR INNER FISH

Well, I HARDLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY about the new book by Neil Shubin, Your Inner Fish. I read it through in a day, totally amazed, unable to let my page-turning staff, posted outside my tank at all times to allow me to read dry-land correspondence, take a break unless she could find someone to 'spell' her. SHE DIDN'T MIND; she was utterly entranced herself by what she saw.

WHAT MAKES THIS BOOK SO AMAZING? Well, the insights aren't all that shattering -- Shubin simply takes you, INCH BY GREASY, HAIRY INCH, through the human body and points out the PISCATORIAL LEGACY, the fishy ancestry in EVERYTHING ATTACHED TO THAT UNFORTUNATE TWO-LEGGED FRAME. He makes it clear, to even the dullest-witted human reader, that FROM THE SEA YOU CAME. It is not that great a stretch to add: AND TO THE SEA YOU MUST RETURN.

And they will. If I have anything to say about it, THEY ALL WILL.

The coolest thing about this book is that, although it REVEALS MANY OF OUR SECRETS, the book does it in a way that CAN'T BE CONNECTED TO US. In short, it's both a DREADFUL EXPOSURE OF OUR SECRETS and THE GREATEST RECRUITING TOOL OF THE YEAR! What astounds me, personally, is that it was written entirely by a human. The Alligator Gar in the author's home tank TOLD ME SO.

I laughed, I cried, I begged for more!

Here is the sales link.

A Salute to the "Fish Doctors"

I dasn't "out" myself by admitting how I know Tom Campbell, the proprietor of The Fish Doctors. I need to stay undercover until I finish changing over from Mulier sapiens to Clarias batrachis. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. But I need to say that he is a great American example of how ANYONE CAN MAKE GOOD by exploiting an opening in the free market. It's never a bad idea to attach yourself like a Lamprey (What? I like Lampreys) to a thriving business like a hospital -- medicine being almost the only viable industry in the state at the moment -- especially if your goal is to FILL EVERY WAITING ROOM IN THE PLACE WITH FISH.

I want to say THANKS, Tom, for all you've done to FURTHER OUR CAUSE, bringing piscatorial operatives from EVERY CORNER OF THE GLOBE to infiltrate the homes and businesses of the landscum ALL SORTS OF PROMISING HUMAN RECRUITS.

Unlike the typical crappy pet store, which many recruits RIGHTLY SEE as a sort of death-camp arrangement for our beloved sisters, the Fish Doctors' approach has been to help ASSURE THE SUCCESS of every tank-based fish operation in SE Michigan. Tom and his crack staff don't merely sell someone a bunch of equipment and wish the new recruits luck; they offer to follow up to keep the fish HAPPY, HEALTHY AND RECRUITING for much longer than they normally would in the home or business fishtank. This includes fresh-, salt-, and in all likelihood brackish-water operatives, ranging from the common to the exotic. In short, Campbell is helping bring ALL OUR TALENTS TO BEAR on the human recruits we seek among the doomed, hairy, bipedal race.

And no, I'm NOT posting the stats on how many recruits his fishtanks have brought in; that's classified.

And no, I'm not telling my readers whether Tom Campbell himself is one of our recruits, transforming as I type this into an Electric Catfish, or possibly a freshwater Crab. That kind of information is deeply personal, not meant to be bandied about recklessly. AND it's classified.

Be sure to check in at the Fish Doctors' Web site.

Again: Thanks, Tom. You rock.

Another Silly Misunderstanding

Lifeguards attacked by shark

7:02PM Monday January 14, 2008

By Beck Vass

Lifeguards at Omaha beach north of Auckland were attacked by a Bronze Whaler Shark this afternoon, which latched on to their inflatable boat, causing it to deflate.

The surf lifeguards had gone out to investigate following sightings of the Shark.

Climatech Regional Lifeguards spotted the Shark about 100m offshore and closed the patrolled area about 2pm.

Dean Storey, lifesaving manager for the northern region, said a 3-4m Bronze Whaler shark attacked the inflatable boat as lifeguards approached it, biting the rear starboard pontoon and deflating the boat.

Lifeguards made it to the shore, using the deflated boat and have closed Omaha beach to swimming, erecting signs and advising those in the area of the problem.

Omaha Surf Club president Daniel Baturic said Omaha Beach would remain closed until at least tomorrow.

He said Sharks were reported swimming off the beach and a boat was sent out to confirm the sighting.

The boat's crew had been guiding a Shark away from the beach for about 30 metres when it turned around and attacked the boat.

Mr Baturic said the shark's behaviour could have been caused by bait being laid by a commercial fisherman for Crab pots.

About 45 pots had been put out near the beach and about one kilo of bait was thrown into the water, he said.

Mr Storey said lifeguards responded exactly to procedure, identified the shark risk, closed the patrolled area and were continuing safety interventions to warn public of any danger.

"This is an isolated incident and I want to reiterate that the risk of being attacked by Sharks is minimal," he said. "As showcased in this incident, swimming at a lifeguard-patrolled beach will also decrease the already low chance of Shark attack due to lifeguard surveillance of the patrolled area.

"The risk of drowning is far more prevalent than a Shark attack. The public are always advised to swim at lifeguard-patrolled beaches and swim between the flags."

- with NZPA

Sometimes I REALLY WONDER WHY WE BOTHER WITH THESE PEOPLE. I can't believe they characterized this as an "attack" -- they were just trying to get someone to come in and play with them!

Riffraff Chased Out Of Operatives' Convention

Swarms of up to 40 sharks have been sighted off the Coromandel coast over the holiday period as people swim only metres away, oblivious to the danger.

Helicopter pilot Steve Broadbent said he has seen sharks disturbingly close to swimmers on the sandbar between Matarangi Beach and Whangapoua Beach over the past two weeks.

"The heavy [shark] activity began just before Christmas. Some days we've seen up to 30 sharks but on the day the photo was taken [Sunday] we saw about 40," Mr Broadbent said.

"They're seasonal. I saw them two years ago in the same spot, but none last year at all. They're back in force this summer.

"We have seen quite a variety ... Bronze Whalers, Hammerheads and I think Makos. There were at least three species."

The sharks were spread across a 300m stretch of Matarangi Beach.

"They were disturbingly close to swimmers, maybe about 20m away from them."

The sharks were swimming in water shallow enough for people to stand in.

"We went and warned people the sharks were close. They got out of the water quickly."

He had even seen two large sharks at Whangapoua Beach in knee-deep water.
Mr Broadbent told the Herald he was amazed no one had been attacked.

"It's amazing there haven't been any incidents with so many sightings ... there's a danger because we don't know what they'll do."

There have been a number of shark sightings in the past three weeks, including one which latched on to the inflatable boat of two lifeguards at Omaha on Monday, partially deflating it.

For crying out loud, we need a LITTLE privacy for our strategy sessions.

Great And Manifold Are Our Fishy Blessings Today!

Check THIS out.

This is a terrific addition to our Hiding In Plain Sight project. It never ceases to amaze me, the way the humans seem to MEET US HALFWAY in our efforts to infiltrate. Thanks to the Tulsa chapter for contributing this great link!

R&D Update

I have to say I'm PRETTY HAPPY with what I heard at the last R&D Confab. We had the SENSE to bring in representatives of the Shark protest groups in Florida as well as critical Walking Catfish and Snakehead liaisons from the Outreach Service.

AND PROGRESS IS BEING MADE. I wish you could all have been there for the unveiling of the new prototypes, called Frankenfish I, II and III in honor of the feelgood movie of 2004.

THEY ARE GOING TO BE SO SORRY.