Sunday, January 27, 2008

A Salute to the "Fish Doctors"

I dasn't "out" myself by admitting how I know Tom Campbell, the proprietor of The Fish Doctors. I need to stay undercover until I finish changing over from Mulier sapiens to Clarias batrachis. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. But I need to say that he is a great American example of how ANYONE CAN MAKE GOOD by exploiting an opening in the free market. It's never a bad idea to attach yourself like a Lamprey (What? I like Lampreys) to a thriving business like a hospital -- medicine being almost the only viable industry in the state at the moment -- especially if your goal is to FILL EVERY WAITING ROOM IN THE PLACE WITH FISH.
I want to say THANKS, Tom, for all you've done to FURTHER OUR CAUSE, bringing piscatorial operatives from EVERY CORNER OF THE GLOBE to infiltrate the homes and businesses of the landscum ALL SORTS OF PROMISING HUMAN RECRUITS.
Unlike the typical crappy pet store, which many recruits RIGHTLY SEE as a sort of death-camp arrangement for our beloved sisters, the Fish Doctors' approach has been to help ASSURE THE SUCCESS of every tank-based fish operation in SE Michigan. Tom and his crack staff don't merely sell someone a bunch of equipment and wish the new recruits luck; they offer to follow up to keep the fish HAPPY, HEALTHY AND RECRUITING for much longer than they normally would in the home or business fishtank. This includes fresh-, salt-, and in all likelihood brackish-water operatives, ranging from the common to the exotic. In short, Campbell is helping bring ALL OUR TALENTS TO BEAR on the human recruits we seek among the doomed, hairy, bipedal race.
And no, I'm NOT posting the stats on how many recruits his fishtanks have brought in; that's classified.
And no, I'm not telling my readers whether Tom Campbell himself is one of our recruits, transforming as I type this into an Electric Catfish, or possibly a freshwater Crab. That kind of information is deeply personal, not meant to be bandied about recklessly. AND it's classified.
Be sure to check in at the Fish Doctors' Web site.

Again: Thanks, Tom. You rock.

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