Jellyfish Attack Destroys Salmon

A jellyfish invasion has wiped out Northern Ireland's only salmon farm, killing more than 100,000 fish.

A Northern Salmon spokesman said last week's attack could cost more than £1m. Billions of small Jellyfish, known as Mauve Stingers, flooded into the cages about a mile into the Irish Sea, off Glenarm Bay and Cushendun.

The Jellyfish covered an area of up to 10 square miles and a depth of 35 feet. Rescuers tried to reach the cages but the density of fish made it impossible.

Managing director John Russell said he had never seen anything like this in 30 years in the business.

"The sea was red with these Jellyfish and there was nothing we could do about, it, absolutely nothing," he said.

"It's a disaster for this company - you cannot legislate for something like this."

He says the firm could take at least two years to recover.

The company has some high-profile clients, with Irish chef Richard Corrigan serving Glenarm salmon to the Queen on her 80th birthday last year as part of the BBC's Great British Menu programme.

The Department of Agriculture's fisheries division has carried out a full investigation, and talks with NI Agriculture Minister Michelle Gildernew have taken place to try to rescue the farm and save the jobs of 12 staff.

I think this was a nice little demonstration of OUR MIGHT. It shows them that WE WILL NOT BE TRIFLED WITH. But if anyone asks, it can easily be explained as the outgrowth of OVERFISHING and GLOBAL WARMING. VERY nice job by the local girls out that way.

And: "Save the jobs of 12 staff"!!! I want to remind you that I reside in a secret sub-basement of the Manoogian Mansion. The foundation industry of the entire state is shredding away in the wind like a flock of seabirds looking for another beach with a better supply of breadcrusts. Is there a SINGLE perfumed politician, here or in Washington, doing ANYTHING about it?

The short answer is "NO." In Michigan, the government is laying off more people right now than the auto industry itself. And in Washington, everyone's a bit mezmerized, shall we say, by the 3-D action picture I like to call Son Of Desert Storm. They aren't even fiddling while Detroit burns; they're throwing money by the bucketload at a postage-stamp-sized country in the attempt to BLOW IT UP.

Of course, this does nothing but BENEFIT US. The last thing anyone's paying attention to is the Global Fish Dry Land Takeover Conspiracy. Whee!