Have A Nice Planked Fish Dinner Tonight!

This photo demonstrates the old-fashioned method of PLANKING FISH for dinner -- you split 'em open, nail 'em to a board and chunk the board into the sand in front of a fire. You eat the results when the victim your friendly recruiter flakes readily with a fork. PRETTY SIMPLE, EH?

Here in Michigan we favor planked Whitefish a la duchesse, but other states have large groups partial to Shad. Either taste is very sound, in my opinion. The method has sadly deteriorated over time and you are now supposed to use an oven, not a fire, and there are no nails involved. They also like to GLOP UP THE ENTREE these days with all manner of mango chutneys and la de da. Of course the a la duchesse has now gone more or less dehors la fenetre because of that wretched Atkins Diet and everyone thinking potatoes are a form of DEADLY NERVE GAS. You may be forced to make do with asparagus instead.

Never mind -- THE SIMPLEST WAY IS STILL THE BEST. EAT UP.

(If I may get off on a religious tangent here for just a tenth of a second:)

THIS IS DAGON'S BODY, PLANKED AND SURROUNDED BY MASHED POTATOES FOR YOU!

Merry Squidmas, Everyone!

One of the factors that will keep the celebration of this sublime holiday SPREADING LIKE WILDFIRE is the fact that while not everyone is Christian, Muslim, Jewish or Buddhist, EVERYONE LOVES A SQUID.

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While the image above is not precisely a representation of the Jingle Squid, it NICELY CAPTURES the TRUTH OF THE MATTER: The Squid are watching you, and YOU CANNOT GET AWAY. Now there's a Squidmas thought to put a smile on EVERY FACE, be it hairy, scaly, leathery, feathery, or chitinous.