Monday, March 23, 2009

THE LUST LIZARD OF MELANCHOLY COVE


Now this is what I call a GOOD STORY, ladies. This fine novel, copyrighted 1999 to Christopher Moore and published by Harper Collins, EXPLAINS EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW about the effects of our recruiting operatives on Naked Apes. OK, there are a FEW FLAWS, but nothing that doesn't ultimately HELP US. Nobody wants ALL our secrets in print.

Here are the things Moore -- a human -- gets RIGHT:

>> The scene is one of creeping human despondency until Steve, an aquatic reptile, comes ashore and CHANGES EVERYTHING.

>> The romantic attachments formed in the course of the story RESOLVE EVERYTHING FOR EVERYONE.

>> Despite the gross physical discrepancies between Steve the recruiting lizard and his primary contact,a B-picture actress with a bit of a mental disorder, LOVE FINDS A WAY.

I know, I know, there are a few issues here. The author has poor Steve wafting pheromones everywhere, randomly, causing the humans in Pine Cove to be overwhelmed with UNGOVERNABLE LUST. As if we needed to intervene to make THAT happen! And of course the goal would NEVER be to get them to have sex TOGETHER. This recruitment campaign is about INTERSPECIES ROMANCE, thank you very much. But never mind, this is a fun read with a great deal to recommend it. BUY A COPY. USE CONSPIRACY FUNDS. LEAVE THE BOOK WHERE SOMEONE WILL FIND IT.

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Thursday, March 12, 2009

Naked Apes Dance Attendance On Giant Crab

It's always entertaining to me when a human looks upon a lovely scene like this and declares the animal in the aquarium to be "in captivity." Who's in captivity here? The elegant decapod being showered with care and attention, or the harried human who has to vacuum the slime out of the bottom of the tank?

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"Dracula" Fish Described By Human Science

Now THIS is a handsome photo of a very handsome specimen. As usual, someone couldn't resist anthropomorphising and comparing teeth designed for a VERY DIFFERENT PURPOSE to a Naked Ape fictional character.
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If they knew the REAL reason she has those teeth they'd REALLY get excited.
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FOOLS.

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Monday, March 02, 2009

Sabotage Effort Makes National Headlines



An Octopus today managed to pry loose a water-control valve at the Santa Monica Pier Aquarium, flooding the facility with more than 200 gallons of saltwater.
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The valve is inside the sea creature's tank, and officials think the Octopus grabbed hold of it while exploring.
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"It found something loose and just pulled on it," said Tara Treiber, the aquarium's education manager. "They are very smart creatures."
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A worker arriving this morning found water overflowing out of the tank and "a lovely little lake" on the floor — about 3 inches of water that damaged newly installed carpets, as well as walls and facades, Treiber said.
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The damage could have been much worse had workers discovered the open valve later — potentially harming the sea life inside, Treiber said.
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The female California two-spotted Octopus has been housed at the aquarium for two months, she said.
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"They are solitary but curious creatures," Treiber said.

—Andrew Blankstein
Photo: The Octopus believed to have flooded Santa Monica's aquarium.

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