TUSK

 

 

WELL, THIS MOVIE WAS QUITE AN EXPERIENCE, LADIES!

I CAN'T SAY I'VE SEEN ANYTHING ELSE QUITE LIKE IT!

This 2014 release is a Kevin Smith effort, focused on the adventures of a genuinely unlikable podcaster, Wallace Bryton, who wants to do an interview for his show with an interview prospect up in Manitoba, Canada.  When that falls through, he immediately finds another fellow to interview, calls him up and arranges to meet with him.

What he doesn't know yet is that he's about to come face to face with PISCATORIAL LOVE.  The man he wants to interview, Howard Howe, is working through some issues related to a WALRUS he used to know when he was a young sailor.  Howe apparently had a HORRIFIC life among his fellow Shaved Monkeys, and found the only brief moment of happiness in his miserable existence on a tiny island he shared with his recruiter, a Walrus operative.  The walrus, who was clearly a specimen of great FOCUS and PATIENCE as Walruses go, was Howe's only companion after he swam away from a sinking ship.  

I HARDLY NEED TO TELL YOU that this ties in DIRECTLY with all the legends you've heard about how sailors mistake our Seal, Dugong and of course Walrus operatives with beautiful women, or some other such nonsense.  The fact is that these sailors have the PISCATORIAL LOVE, and so does Howe.  In fact, after he had to regretfully PART from his recruiting operative by leaving the island, he NEVER LET GO OF IT and had been trying to get back home ever since.  

THIS IS WHERE BRYTON COMES IN. He is about to plunge headfirst into PISCATORIAL LOVE, with Howard Howe by his side.

Kevin Smith is an accomplished director of light comedies, but this movie takes him in a whole new direction.  It takes us right inside the landscum, I mean human, idea of how humans join the aquatic world, and of course THEY'VE GOT IT ALL WRONG.  If any human is reading this column, let me assure you THIS IS NOT HOW IT WORKS.  

It's so hard for most of them to see past all those B-horror films about mad scientists and nuclear accidents and la de da.  They make turning aquatic sound like a BAD THING.  Well, in this movie, for once, the filmmaker shows us how DELICIOUSLY FUNNY it can be.  

My favorite detail: they used the Fleetwood Mac song, "Tusk," in the soundtrack.  Whenever I see the poster for this film, I get that song playing in my head.  I never knew what the song was about, and I still don't, but WHOEVER CHOSE THE MUSIC FOR THIS MOVIE REALLY MADE IT FIT. Nice touch!

I was completely thrown, though, by the end of this movie.  What is Bryton doing with his life now?  I didn't get it.  After wondering about it for quite a while, I had a moment of clarity.  THIS IS THE CLEAREST POSSIBLE INDICATION THAT OUR SECRETS ARE SAFE, LADIES.  THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY ANYONE WOULD MAKE A CHANGE IN HIS LIFE LIKE THIS.  THEY HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO MAKE USE OF IT.  THEY ARE JUST FOOLING AROUND WITH A NEW IDEA FOR A FILM COMEDY.

You can think of this as an adult version of THE INCREDIBLE MR. LIMPET.  But it's EVEN FUNNIER.

SEE THIS ONE AT ALL COSTS, LADIES!  It will settle your nerves.

If I Could Still Wear A T-Shirt, This Would Be The First One I'd Design For Myself...

 

Who's Zooming Who?

 

This Sign Makes Me Feel All Happy Inside...

No matter how willing our operatives are to GIVE THEIR LIVES FOR THE CAUSE, I'm never going to like "hapoon" recruitment.