Any Questions?

 

Let's Just Clarify...

 

The photo above is supposed to be of a drug called Krokodil or "crocodile," a new designer intoxicant that combines the worst features of HEROIN and METHAMPHETAMINE.  For you new land operatives who have not yet been introduced to the wonders of LANDSCUM INTOXICANTS, let me just summarize those this way:  

>> HEROIN, on the bright side, is an effective painkiller in the short term.  In the longer term and on the not so bright side it lowers the human PAIN THRESHOLD significantly, is ADDICTIVE as crap and makes the user WISH FOR DEATH while robbing relatives to finance their habits and getting violently sick at both ends.

>> METH is usually smoked although it is also injected.  There is no bright side.  It makes you very productive for a minute and is a fantastic weight-loss drug before you GO BONZO, and then your teeth fall out. (For you edentulous aquatic operatives, teeth are bony protrusions in the mouth that help many species capture or sometimes chew their food. ) If you stop using meth you get really fat because your appetite comes back and you EAT NEBRASKA.

>> KROKODIL affects injection sites the way meth affects your teeth.  Like this: 

To a Naked Ape, this resembles a Crocodile's lovely pebbly skin.

I KNOW, RIGHT?  ARE THEY ON DRUGS, THINKING THIS MAKES THEM LOOK LIKE THEY'RE TURNING INTO CROCODILES? 

Oh, wait.  Yes.  Yes, they ARE on drugs.

THEY ARE NOT AND NEVER WILL BE CROCODILES.

I just wanted to clear the water for you.  They will soon be DEAD and of no use to man, fish or fowl.

Um, Oops...

 

Well, ANOTHER SECRET IS OUT.  

An operative who, for the moment, REMAINS NAMELESS has experienced a bit of a VIRGIN BIRTH in an aquarium in a different Conspiracy Zone.  There were only 3 Sharks, all female, in this one aquarium tank and, um, now there are four.

AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT THE NAKED APES ARE SUPPOSED TO THINK.  Featherless bipeds EAT THIS STUFF UP, especially in that part of the world.

We'll be letting all of you ladies in on what REALLY happened -- and why -- at the next chapter meeting.  In the meantime, sing it with me:

UNTO US A SHARK IS BORN!

UNTO US A SHARK IS GIVEN!

If A Fish Could Laugh...

 

...We'd ALL be cracking up about this.  I CAN NEVER GET OVER the way the Naked Apes will fish a pond, river or lake DRY and then UNDERMINE THEIR OWN EFFORTS by adding more fish.  Then they FISH IT DRY again.  And RESTOCK WITH MORE FISH.

THEY'RE DOING ALL OUR WORK FOR US.

Every fish they "catch" and eat brings them closer to OUR GOAL of world domination.

FOOLS.

THE ANATOMY OF THE SEA

 

NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU LADIES HAVE BEEN HIDING THIS BOOK FROM ME FOR SO LONG.

HOLY FROCKING SHIRTS.

Let's get some housekeeping out of the way first: the book has ISBN 978-0-8118-4633-2 assigned to it SO YOU CAN TELL IT FROM ALL THE OTHER BOOKS WITH THE SAME TITLE AND AUTHORS (David Ponsonby and Georges Dussart). 

Now, on to Cliffie's Notes:

>> ALMOST FROM THE FIRST PAGE I started to see ONE SECURITY BREACH AFTER ANOTHER.  

>> The breaches were inserted SEEMINGLY RANDOMLY, from SO MANY DIFFERENT SOURCES that it would take a GENIUS among the landscum to trace them all down to their places of origin.  Most would never bother.

>> The authors packaged this SHRAPNEL BOMB OF SECURITY LEAKS into a handsome volume heavily illustrated with EVEN MORE SECURITY LEAKS.

>> There are A FEW SAVING GRACES HERE.  One is that the vast majority of Naked Apes likely to sit down and read this book are ALREADY RECRUITS IN THE FISH ARMY, if not rapidly transforming into aquatic species themselves. 

>> Another is that the typical human reader will only LOOK AT THE PICTURES and not match them up with the written words.

Do Catfish have strokes?  BECAUSE I ALMOST HAD A STROKE READING THIS BOOK.