Conspiracy Watch, June 2019

SLUG NEWS!!!

A "sex-crazed Spanish slug" -- named Arion vulgaris by Shaved Monkey scientists -- is terrorizing British gardeners.  THEY ARE TAKING OVER AND THEY SCOFF AT SLUG PELLETS, according to The Express.  The proposed solution?  The well-known weakness of slugs for BEER is supposed to save the day.  They certainly have plenty of that in Britain.  The question remains:  will they be willing to set aside some of their precious supply in order to QUELL THE MENACE?

Meanwhile, in Japan, 12,000 train passengers have been inconvenienced by a slug TERRORIST ATTACK in which a SUICIDE LICKER electrocuted herself in order to disable a high-voltage transformer inside the works of their rail system.  The massive slug army brought 30 trains to a halt with the loss of only one -- ONE! -- operative.  

Life is good when the humblest of conspiracy operatives can cause this much trouble.  

WE SALUTE YOU, SLUGGO.