ANIMALS OF THE OCEAN, IN PARTICULAR THE GIANT SQUID

WOW. Just...WOW.

This incredible resource was written by Dr. Doris (and Mr.) Haggis-On-Whey. Published in 2006 by McSweeney's, LONG MAY THEY WAVE.

This is an incredible testament to the DEEP, SECRET LONGING of every human being to truly understand the Giant Squid. The Haggises-On-Whey make a determined stab at it, AND FAIL. What chokes me up JUST A LITTLE is how hard they tried...and HOW WELL WE SUCCEEDED AT HIDING OUR SECRETS.

In here you will find:

>> Squid dating tips.

>> Squid fashions.

>> Squid physiology, INCLUDING an accurate view of what you, as a human reader, will last see as you are being drawn down into the alimentary canal of an ocean animal.

>> Much, much more. So much more. I can hardly begin to tell you how much more.

This book was meant to be read to the little ones on Squidmas Eve in front of a roaring fire, with the snow pattering down gently outside.

JUST BUY IT, OK?

100 WEIRD WAYS TO CATCH FISH

I just finished this one up. Written by John Waldman, published fairly recently (but I forget the year) by Stackpole Books.

WHAT CAN I SAY? This is an INCREDIBLY TOUCHING TESTAMENT to the determination of Shaved Monkeys around the world to FIND THEIR WAY BACK TO US. If you're still sufficiently human in structure and function to be able to shed tears, HAVE FOUR HANKIES READY WHEN YOU READ THIS ONE.

I like the respect the author shows for the different types of fish around the world, and the GREAT INGENUITY needed to capture and eat them. He also shows proper respect for the many fish around the world who are more than willing to return the favor, by KILLING and EATING him. What's not to like about that?

My only quibble with the book is that Waldman could have fit MANY MORE TECHNIQUES into this book if he had combined all the different spearfishing methods into one entry. That's OK, though...I don't want him revealing TOO MANY SECRETS to his readers.

Recruiting Numbers Still Incomplete In Miyagi Prefecture

One thing I can tell you for sure...this is ONE OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL RECRUITING DRIVES in recent history. The 2011 earthquake, tsunami and radiation leak makes Hurricane Katrina look KIND OF EMBARRASSING, frankly.

The last numbers reported by the "Homo saps" indicates that about 18,000 recruits have already entered the sea forever. WE HAVE BETTER NUMBERS, but of course we are holding out on the final report until everyone has actually arrived. The Japanese have a way of surprising you -- at least they surprise me, because I have been recruiting all my life in the Midwest where the Naked Apes are terrified of the water. The Japanese fear VERY LITTLE, especially when it comes to the ocean.

WELCOME HOME, EVERYONE!