Red Lobster Makes Transition to "Dead Lobster"

 

Well, THEY'VE MADE THE ANNOUNCEMENT WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR, LADIES.  Dead Lobster, I mean Red Lobster, has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.  For those of you not living up on dry land, this means a major restructuring of the organization.  Many of their outlets will be closing and probably quite a few landscum employees will be getting the axe.

SOME OF OUR RED LOBSTER STAFF WILL STILL BE THERE, REPORTING STRAIGHT BACK TO US.

I have such mixed feelings about this.  While Dead Lobster (as we always called it when I was fully human) did bring COUNTLESS recruits into our ranks -- working on the ancient principle of "if you eat any more of those crabs you're going to turn into one" -- it's always been kind of HORRIFYING, the way the humans on staff at HQ marketed us as existing only to feed featherless bipeds.  THAT'S ONE OF THE VERY IDEAS WE'VE BEEN WORKING TO CHANGE.

But here's the thing.  As I've scanned the news articles about the bankruptcy, it's become clear that HUMANS DO SEE OUR INFLUENCE ON THEM.  One article after another talks about how the Endless Shrimp $20 deal -- a short-term special that somehow became permanent -- BROUGHT THE COMPANY TO ITS KNEES.  Several have looked back sadly to the toll taken by a previous promotion, called Endless Crab.

THEY PAY ZERO ATTENTION TO THE TOLL TAKEN ON OUR OPERATIVES, OF COURSE.  They leave that kind of respect for other species to outfits like PETA.

But they keep mentioning that it was the "shellfish shellacking" that got them to this point. 

It sounds like some of them, somehow, are GETTING THE PICTURE.  We are in there influencing YOU, even as you trawl the bottom of the ocean seeking to KILL OFF EVERY ONE OF US.  WE'RE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT THAT EASY FOR YOUR, HAIRY ONES.

HUNTERS OF THE DARK SEA

 

THIS LITTLE DELIGHT by Mel Odom  (ISBN 9780765304803) takes the reader back to the days of wooden sailing ships that plied the ocean's surface, hunting all kinds of Whale operatives so that their filter strips could be used in ladies' corsets and their oil squeezin's could be used to light lamps in Naked Ape households before the use of electricity became common.  Land operatives reading this book say it really captures the feel of riding the high seas and getting your buckle swashed as petty human drama leads to thefts, kidnappings, ships being sunk and INTRIGUE, MURDER, MAYHEM!  Basically, exactly what you get when featherless bipeds appear in ANY landscape.  

The difference in this story is that one of the whale operatives in this story is slightly UNUSUAL.  Far from just fleeing or politely dying, this one fights back in a way no sailor ever imagined before, using tools no whale ever apparently possessed before.  

The great flaw in this story is that it is told entirely from the Naked Ape viewpoint, with the finally victory of the Naked Ape hero as the only goal worth noticing.  Nobody even asks, really, about the whale, or at least nobody who asks gets any answers.  JUST AS WELL, because we don't want the landscum knowing too many of our secrets, NOW DO WE?

I think this one will be equally informative and enjoyable whether you are a 100% human nautical history buff, a human just starting to turn into a fish, a fish just starting to turn into a human, or 100% fish.  Great stuff.  THE TENSION NEVER LETS UP.