Red Lobster Makes Transition to "Dead Lobster"

 

Well, THEY'VE MADE THE ANNOUNCEMENT WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR, LADIES.  Dead Lobster, I mean Red Lobster, has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.  For those of you not living up on dry land, this means a major restructuring of the organization.  Many of their outlets will be closing and probably quite a few landscum employees will be getting the axe.

SOME OF OUR RED LOBSTER STAFF WILL STILL BE THERE, REPORTING STRAIGHT BACK TO US.

I have such mixed feelings about this.  While Dead Lobster (as we always called it when I was fully human) did bring COUNTLESS recruits into our ranks -- working on the ancient principle of "if you eat any more of those crabs you're going to turn into one" -- it's always been kind of HORRIFYING, the way the humans on staff at HQ marketed us as existing only to feed featherless bipeds.  THAT'S ONE OF THE VERY IDEAS WE'VE BEEN WORKING TO CHANGE.

But here's the thing.  As I've scanned the news articles about the bankruptcy, it's become clear that HUMANS DO SEE OUR INFLUENCE ON THEM.  One article after another talks about how the Endless Shrimp $20 deal -- a short-term special that somehow became permanent -- BROUGHT THE COMPANY TO ITS KNEES.  Several have looked back sadly to the toll taken by a previous promotion, called Endless Crab.

THEY PAY ZERO ATTENTION TO THE TOLL TAKEN ON OUR OPERATIVES, OF COURSE.  They leave that kind of respect for other species to outfits like PETA.

But they keep mentioning that it was the "shellfish shellacking" that got them to this point. 

It sounds like some of them, somehow, are GETTING THE PICTURE.  We are in there influencing YOU, even as you trawl the bottom of the ocean seeking to KILL OFF EVERY ONE OF US.  WE'RE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT THAT EASY FOR YOUR, HAIRY ONES.