Emergency Squidmas Cheer 2019

REJOICE, LADIES!  A NEW METHOD HAS BEEN FOUND TO BREACH, I MEAN BRIDGE, THE GULF BETWEEN OUR REALM AND THEIRS!

The photo above is of a North American Conspiracy Zone recruiter whose true name is being kept CONFIDENTIAL on the Internet, but whose HUMAN-ASSIGNED NAME is 100% public:  meet "Miguel Wattson," an Electric Eel who's making a splash with Chattanooga aquarium-goers at the moment since local recruits rigged up his office to LIGHT UP A SQUIDMAS TREE.  The humans involved, all unawares, are calling the display module a "Christmas tree," but COME ON.

MANY OF MY READERS here in the Great Lakes area will remember the days before the Belle Isle Aquarium was shut down and reopened.  Back in the 1970s, the Electric Eel had a single, sputtery lightbulb outside her tank with a wire leading down into the water.  If the recruiter brushed against the wire, the light flickered pathetically.  While it did prove to me as a 12-year-old human that the creature really did generate electricity, well, the resulting display was DISAPPOINTING AT BEST.

Miguel has a much slicker operation going here.  SLICK AS AN EEL, you might say.  The tree is not simply rigged so our operative can brush against it at random intervals.  The gadgetry somehow measures how much electricity is being generated at every moment, no physical contact required, and translates that into a flash of light that corresponds in brightness to how WORKED UP Miguel feels.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, LADIES.  He can now SIGNAL HIS INTEREST to the most promising recruits that come along.  And he can RESPOND TO THEIR SIGNALS in a way even a highly-intelligent Homo sap  can understand!!!!

This is the most LAUDABLE advance in human-fish relations since the invention of the weir!