Totally Unacceptable Security Leak!

THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

We have identified this merry prankster.

He will be KILLED and EATEN.

A Shout Out To Our Sister Conspirators!

THANKS, LADIES.  I mean that from the bottom of my two-chambered heart.  

(Human expressions are so weird. "From the bottom of my heart"?  Sheesh.  I'll be a happy Walking Catfish on the day I can forget the last of them and speak nothing but the ancient language shared by all fish.)

The news has come through that operatives around the world, members of the Insect Consortium Of Conspiracies, are spreading a remarkable infestation that is causing nasty allergies in the species Homo sap.  The photo above, of an operative belonging to the species known in our Conspiracy Zone as the Lone Star Tick, is a major vector of this sensitivity.

WHY AM I SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS?

Because when the transfer takes properly, the affected featherless biped is no longer able to go near ANY EMANATION OF ANY SORT OF MAMMAL.  They'll experience violent ITCHING if they wear a sweater made of sheep scrapings.  Their eyes might swell shut if they touch a package of lamb chops.  Their breathing passages might slam shut if they take one of those bizarre tablets they make out of horse pee.  They might DIE if they stand in a room where steak is being served and BREATHE IN THE AROMA.

In other words, ladies, the Ticks are driving the Naked Apes DIRECTLY INTO OUR JAWS.  While some will probably go vegan or restrict themselves to eating, I don't know, BLUEJAYS, we can probably count on the fact that many, many others will be eating US.  Which will allow us to effect our own DNA transfer, and KA-BLAM, they turn into fish.

I've never thought St. Patrick's Day was a day worth celebrating, but from now on I would like to declare a different kind of holiday for March 17th.  

It's March 17th!  Finally Turn Into A Fish Day!!!

'Bye, Pike

The news organs are fairly swollen with reminders that we lost Luke Perry last week.  They mention his old TV show, 90210, over and over.  

Of course, to US he will always be "Pike" from Buffy, The Vampire Slayer.  The number of young girls he brought to our ranks with this role is probably INCALCULABLE.  Because, as Buffy (Kristy Swanson) said when they met in a cafe in the course of the movie, "Pike isn't a name.  It's a fish."

It's such a sad thing that he died of a HUMAN ailment, surrounded by HUMANS.  We can't be there for EVERYONE.

YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN, Luke. 

DAUGHTERS OF THE LAKE

This REMARKABLE READ -- ISBN 978-1503901339, authored by Wendy Webb -- is going to be your next reading assignment, ladies. 

THIS IS WHAT I WANT YOU TO NOTICE AS YOU GO ALONG IN THIS BOOK.

CLIFFIE'S NOTES:

>> The piscatorial love in this book is evident on EVERY PAGE.

>> It is the object of wonder and envy by those in this story who do not have it.  Not horror -- not nausea -- not dread.  WONDER and ENVY.  How long have we been waiting for a book like this to come out???

>> The recruiting operative in this story is CLEARLY IDENTIFIABLE, at least to us, as one of Hank's all-male detachment.

(declassified photo of Hank, used with his expressed permission)

>> I hope this story will help put to rest the rumors circumating among the newer recruits that as our landfish operatives intermarry with Shaved Monkeys, their piscatorial abilities and those of their children are somehow -- you should pardon the expression -- WATERED DOWN.  Nothing of the sort happens here, MUCH AS IN REAL LIFE. 

>> The very best thing about this novel is that although it's called a Gothic and has horror-story trappings, THE ONLY BAD GUYS HERE ARE HUMAN.  The fish bring nothing but HAPPINESS to everything they touch.

>> This wildly-popular book belongs in ALL your home libraries.  Buy yourselves copies.  In hardcover.  Now.