Monday, September 11, 2006

WELCOME Killer Carp!

OK, I vowed I would review another movie or book before anything else happened, but this came in from Cliffie's Clipping Service and I could not resist. The Detroit Free Press for Sunday, September 3rd, 2006, has a great big article called


right in Section A. How can you not like that? It shows pictures -- COLOR pictures -- of the disputed operatives leaping out of the water, apparently attacking idiots venturing out on the treacherous waters around Bath, IL, in amazingly overloaded dinghies. The landscum and operatives both are participants in the aptly-named Redneck Carp Tournament, an all-new traditional showdown in which the vicious, deadly


lie in wait for the insufficiently-armed rednecks to come along in their wallowing little motorboats, SO WE CAN KILL THEM.

Oh what a jolly time is had by all:

The idjits swing their clubs, wave their nets, and catch a few Carp, who do run quite large, up to 60 lbs and 5 feet long.

The Carp recruit a great many knuckleheads promising new converts for our glorious Cause. The ones they don't convert, they get the chance to hurt -- clunking into the heads of the unwary, blackening eyes and loosening fillings. (THAT'S NOT AS EASY AS IT SOUNDS, LADIES.)

Meanwhile, the newspapers wax wroth about how the Great Lakes are about to be converted to massive Carp ponds next week if a Great Wall of Carp isn't erected underwater IMMEDIATELY, at a cost of about 20 million simoleons, at a time when the mayor of Detroit is standing out in front of the Manoogian Mansion with the CEO of Ford Motors, helping him hold a sign that says "WILL WORK FOR FOOD."

Environmentalists weep and gnash their teeth about the size and ferocity of the Asian Carp currently devouring everything else in the St. Lawrence Seaway. Exactly what they were saying a few years ago about the Sea Lamprey. Where is the Sea Lamprey now? That horror-film star of yesteryear, the Dracula of the seas, has been pushed rudely aside by visions of a


that hits you "like a bowling ball," according to stunned witnesses. Come on, has anyone ever been hit by a flying bowling ball? Wouldn't that go right through you? I don't expect this frenzy to last, BUT I DO EXPECT ALL OF YOU TO MAKE THE MOST OF IT. Recruit as many as you can as long as you can. Carp are not like Sharks. Kill one Carp and three more will spring up -- literally, heh heh heh -- to take the victim's place. YOU CANNOT STOP US. YOU CANNOT WIN.



Blogger Ur-spo said...

killer carp sound a good idea long time in the need.
PS - you are not the only lady reading my blog, I have a middle aged housewife/mother of 3 who reads it.
If you be the female voice to Spo-Reflecions, then it balanced my voice here with all those 'ladies'.

7:46 PM  
Blogger Cliffie, The Lemming Girl said...

How are Claudius and Dave holding up?

7:51 PM  

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