Saturday, September 08, 2018

Public Goldfish Aquarium Re-Homing A Two-Tailed Success!



The burble over at the Eurofish Conspiracy Zone is -- among inexperienced new fish recruits, not yet wise to our ways -- that our attempts to infiltrate freshwater areas of that zone stand to be FOILED by the efforts of the Paris Aquarium, whose staff have taken in a good number of Goldfish recruiters (ou, en fran├žais,"poisson rouge") to prevent people releasing them into the nearest pond, lake or stream when they outgrow their tiny aquariums. WE KNOW BETTER, THOUGH, DON'T WE?  Everything that happens to a Goldfish is PART OF OUR LARGER PLAN.  The Eurofish Conspiracy Zone leader told me just the other day that it FILLS HER WITH PRIDE whenever they call EuroGoldfish an INVASIVE SPECIES.  There is no stronger evidence that the landscum, who generally NOTICE NOTHING, are noticing these brave, self-sacrificing recruiters gazing up at them from the depths of a lake that originally housed mostly Wels and ecrevisses.  The depths of those lakes are holding MORE AND MORE of our operatives, PLANTED BY OUR HUMAN RECRUITS TO SHAKE THINGS UP -- from the Louisiana crawdaddies nibbling waterweeds in France to the Chinese Snakeheads SURROUNDING THE WHITE HOUSE AS I TYPE THIS.  And are they, in fact, SHAKING THINGS UP? You'd better believe it, ladies.  THEY ARE ON THE JOB RIGHT NOW.

IN FACT, ladies, the re-homed Aquarium goldies -- while no longer actively working to populate the Somme River and the Lac de Capitello -- have simply CHANGED THEIR BILLET so they can recruit humans from a different angle of approach.  

If you are still human enough to think, think about it this way:  The Paris Aquarium is trying to raise awareness of the EuroGoldfish "problem" by displaying Goldfish in their public aquarium.  That means that the tree-huggers of France, and their yard apes of course, are more likely to keep a SHARP EYE OUT for that flicker of gold in the water that means GOLDFISH ARE ABOUT.  Where before they would comment on the prettiness of the fish -- OUR NOT-SO-SECRET WEAPON -- and only a few featherless bipeds would be recruited, now we will be able to draw in EVEN MORE humans.  Some, naturally attuned to the Goldfish wavelength, would have been recruited REGARDLESS, maybe on first sight of one of our operatives at large.  Others, worried about what they call the BALANCE OF NATURE, will spot a Goldfish and align themselves angrily with those Wels and ecrevisses -- WHO ARE ALSO OUR OPERATIVES!  So they get recruited thinking they are AGAINST Goldfish when actually the Goldfish and the Wels have been WORKING TOGETHER FROM DAY ONE.  And many, of course, will GAZE IN WONDER at the Paris Aquarium Goldfish and go purchase some of their own, letting them go in the nearest pond, lake or river at the earliest opportunity, CONTINUING THE CYCLE.  ALL OF IT FURTHERS OUR GLORIOUS GOAL.



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