When The Police Are Gone, This Will Stop Happening...

...Says here that an Altoona, Florida Naked Ape called 911 because her 15-year-old daughter had been treed by Alligators.  Sure enough, the police arrived to find the recruit's RESOLVE WEAKENING in the face of the IRRESISTABLE APPEAL of being converted from a hideous featherless biped to ONE OF US.  Most of the congregation moved aside -- that's the correct English collective noun for Alligators; it slays me -- in deference to their leader, who was promptly SHOT AND KILLED with an AR-15.

It's events like this that make me follow the DISSOLUTION OF THEIR LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCIES with great interest. 

I couldn't help but notice the last line in the article, though:

"A local marine biologist was summoned to evaluate the cause of death."

Was it really not clear to them?  I hope this means they feel even shakier about dealing with us than I thought.  AND THAT'S PRETTY SHAKY.

I see a few positives in this deplorable, nay, REVOLTING event:

>> Nobody commented on the girl's CHANGED ATTITUDE towards our operatives as a result of this contact.  The Shaved Monkeys can ASSUME what they are going to assume.  We, on the other hand, KNOW.  I HAVE THE REPORT RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

>> Almost all our operatives got away alive.

>> We will meet her again.  We always do.

>> Everyone appears to have forgotten one salient fact:

ALLIGATORS CLIMB TREES ALL THE TIME.