RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

DID I EVER LIKE THIS ONE!

You know the story already, if you've ever seen Conquest Of The Planet Of the Apes. Caesar becomes the leader of an oppressed army of Chimpanzees, Orang-Outans and a few select Gorillas. Mayhem ensues! WILL ANYONE SURVIVE?

CLIFFIE'S NOTES ON THIS SPECTACULAR 2011 THEATRICAL RELEASE:

>> Ignore the fact that the Shaved Monkeys are being blindsided by the unshaved ones.

>> Ignore the fact that it is only because of the brilliance of the Shaved Monkeys that the unshaved are able to stage a revolution.

>> Ignore the fact that the unshaved monkeys have to develop a humanlike intelligence in order to make anything happen at all.

>> Please, please, PLEASE ignore the way the apes, as they increase in intelligence, start to stand upright a lot more, and please ignore also the way their eyes change color from brown to green to blue. BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THAT A BLUE-EYED APE IS SMARTER THAN A BROWN-EYED ONE, RIGHT? Oh my dear Cod.

I JUST WANT YOU LADIES TO NOTICE that the apes were already kicking against the pricks from the first frame of the story, and it was the IGNORANCE OF THEIR HAIRLESS CAPTORS that kept the misunderstandings from getting straightened out.

I think the message of this movie is even clearer in this version than it was in the original: IF YOU ARE TOO DAMNED DUMB TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO FIX THIS, WE WILL EVENTUALLY STOOP TO YOUR LEVEL AND EXPLAIN IT TO YOU.

 

If only they knew it is happening right now!