Friday, October 20, 2006

An Object Lesson For Us All

THIS is a fine example of the importance of KEEPING A LOW PROFILE WHILE RECRUITING. I'm in no position to talk myself; I wore my United Skates Of America t-shirt out in public today just in time for this disaster to strike. Because I hadn't checked my messages yet today, THAT was how I learned about the recruiting accident. Everyone on the street who noticed my shirt made a point of telling me that there had been a second Stingray barb through the chest of a second outdoorsman in the space of a few weeks. I feel like a fool. But we all need to be taken down a notch at times, I guess. At least that's what I'm telling myself right now.

ENOUGH ABOUT ME. What I want you all to notice is THIS: Our Stingray operative was wildly overeager to get her man, and it led directly to her bizarre action. No normal Stingray jumps into a fisherman's boat and plunges her tail through his midsection, OK? This obviously is going to lead some clever biped to ask, "So what's the nature of the abnormality in this Stingray?" Next thing you know we have one of our operatives on the dissecting table. This is not all bad. WE WILL NEVER TALK and by the time an operative is fully aquatic, the fact that she was once human is no longer detectable to feeble human science. But it does rob us of an enormously gung-ho recruiter. And the fact that a single Stingray is being dissected to get her to talk is enough to set off a worldwide chain of scare articles and special features on the news. NO THANK YOU, NOT TODAY. This is the last thing we need at this stage -- exposure.

MORE FRIGHTENING STILL, it led someone I talked to -- a dizzy redheaded receptionist in a medical office, not the kind of person you would expect to be thinking up tough questions -- to ask me, "WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ALL THE FISH ATTACKS?" Do you have any idea what it does to me, your St. Lawrence Seaway Zone Conspiracy Leader, to hear something like that drop from a human's lips?

We want you to be gung-ho. But we also want you to MOVE SLOWLY and take your target carefully.

The good news? The man was successfully infiltrated and he will soon be joining us in the sea forever, to dwell in wonder and glory with the Deep Ones. He got off much luckier than he can possibly imagine.


Blogger Ur-spo said...

I should have figured you were behind that one!

8:29 PM  

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