I Just Heard This From One Of Our Michigan Operatives!

I apologize for the HIDEOUS photo, ladies, but bear with me here -- it goes with the legend just revealed unto me, your North American Conspiracy Zone Leader blogging out of the Detroit Metro area.

An operative who has part-time duty patrolling the Great Lakes with the Coast Guard just approached me in my watery lair in the secret sub-basement of the Manoogian Mansion.  She explains that many years ago -- presumably she was still largely human at that point, because she was at a New Year's party -- someone told her at this party that you should eat FISH after midnight at the New Year "because fish only move forward."

Now, that is JUST the kind of landscum superstition I LIKE TO HEAR.  (And it seems to have originated with Naked Apes, not fish, if you can believe that!!!)  Associating fish with forward movement and progress PLANTS A SEED in their little monkey brains.  Then, one day, one of our recruiting operatives shows up and shows them HOW IT'S DONE.  Next thing you know, the recruits are turning into fish themselves.  And we are that much closer to TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION.

Tip:  As you are spreading this delightful legend this New Year's Eve to your fully-human guests, make sure the recruiting operative you serve them is what they call a finfish.  Salmon, Trout, Tuna, even Shark are all fine.  But nothing with tentacles!   A few of the diners might realize that Calamari or even that traditional Squidmas dish, frutti di mare  salad, consists of fish who only swim BACKWARD.  Let's not confuse the poor dears.

Tip:  Same goes for Crabs.  They do almost anything BUT move forward.