Saturday, September 14, 2013


WHAT A DELIGHT THIS MOVIE WAS! This is a 2013 TV movie directed by Anthony Ferrante, starring Ian Ziering, John Heard, Cassie Scerbo and a cast of FLYING SHARKS! 

PLOT SUMMARY:  A bartender discovers, when the weather lady announces a hurricane and Sharks start coming in through the windows of his waterside tavern to put the munch on his patrons, that he needs to drive to Beverly Hills and save his wife and daughter.  Hilarity ensues when the waitress who has a mad crush on him transforms into a gun-toting action heroine, his son turns out to have been secretly training as a helicopter pilot, and one of his most reliable barfly customers saves a puppy as he himself saves a busload of kids and his ex-wife does NOTHING BUT NAG.  Meanwhile, they are surrounded by swimming, bar-hopping, mudslide-partying, school-bus invading, FLYING SHARKS!  WILL ANYONE SURVIVE?


>> This is a cut above the usual TV movies about killer sharks on the rampage.  The camera work is a little fancier, the FX budget is a little higher, and someone actually appears to have put some thought into this one.  So in spite of the shakiest film premises yet -- this one works.  Does it ever work!  Whee!

>> In some ways, they tried a leetle too hard on this movie.  The story is a roller-coaster ride -- OR DO I MEAN FERRIS WHEEL? -- of rollicking great moments, interrupted by EPIC STUPID.  You never know what to expect next!  Whee!

>> The noise level is so high, between the storm, the chopper sounds, and the incidental music, that you can hardly make out the dialogue.  I know, I know, who cares about landscum conversation?  SEND IN THE FLYING SHARKS!  But I, as North American Conspiracy Zone Leader, do need to ask which recruits are the good ones and who need simply to be KILLED and EATEN.  There is so much going on in this story that we finally need to tuck our fins and LEAVE IT TO DAGON.  Whee!

>> They start you right out with some Martin Brody screw-around-the-the-compressed air action, lead you from there in to some Billy Tyne shotgun maneuvers, then skid sideways into some stupid human tricks performed by a push-up bikini action heroine named NOVA (I know!  I know!)  and a plucky helicopter pilot in a paper hat marked "TRAINEE"armed with a pile of fire extinguishers and a Zippo lighter who aims to FOOL MOTHER NATURE and BUST A MOVE ON FATHER DAGON.  Oh, and don't forget the Jonas Taylor armed with a chainsaw instead of a lucky Megalodon tooth moves.  Whee!

>> Things to watch for in this movie: happy reminders of Mega Piranha, Skyline, Jaws, Red Water, Twister, MEG -- but WITHOUT Eric Balfour, Coolio or his toy 9 mm, NO Bill Paxton hamming it up, and not a single knockoff Philip Seymour Hoffman or Richard Dreyfuss in sight -- Whee!

>> FX are really not half bad, with intermittent moments of FLIEGENDE KINDERSCHEISSE CRAPTACULAR WHOE EVEN THINKS THIS STUFF UP.  Whee!

>>  The climax of this story is never to be forgotten.  I crap you negative on this one, ladies.

Oh, just see this one.  In fact I recommend you buy your own copy. 



Anonymous Dave said...

Great to see that my favorite Mistress of Dagon is still going strong! It's been a long time Cliffie. I still have my crab claw lighters, btw. ;) I've ended my early retirement and returned to the pantheon of bad movie reviewers. Stop by and say hi! :D


4:35 PM  

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