Saturday, November 16, 2013



Shell Games by Craig Welch, copyrighted to the author 2010, ISBN 978-0-06-153713-4, is a law-enforcement story most Shaved Monkeys NEVER think about.  Yes, in here you will find TRUE TALES OF THE FISH POLICE!!!


>> The book is a roller-coaster ride between HILARITY and HORROR as a plucky group of hairless monkeys who call themselves fish cops try to put the brakes on others of their species who are collecting Sturgeon roe, Dungeness Crabs and unlucky Geoducks dreaming in their beds of sand -- without (she chuckled) PROPER AUTHORIZATION FROM OTHER NAKED APES.  I hardly knew as I read whether to rage over the Clams lying helpless on the seabed, cheer on the fish cops as they tried to put a stop to it, or just laugh at all the worried nattering about how Naked Apes are the most important species on earth and nothing can stop them destroying everything except themselves.

>>  The author only focuses on a few areas of concern well-known in the waters around the human territories called Washington State, Alaska, Oregon and that sort of general area, heading down the coast towards California.  They talk about poaching Sturgeon, newly-hatched Leopard Sharks, and the larger Crabs and Clams, brushing lightly past Shark finning, gallbladder theft among Bears and the appropriation of rare insects from places like the New Guinea rainforest.

>> For those of you NEW TO THE LAND LIFESTYLE, this will serve as a good introduction to human nature.  Let me boil this all the way down to the crystals and say, DON'T TRUST THEM.  Some of the specimens in this story can't even trust themselves, as near as I can tell.  Check out what the fish cops found on page 134, in the dwelling of a fish poacher.  Dang.

>> For those of you still getting used to their medium of exchange, let me tell you that THREE MILLION DOLLARS IS A GREAT DEAL OF MONEY.  I was a little startled to realize how much a really good-sized Clam is WORTH to these normally unappreciative omnivores.  But then it serves as a valuable reminder that humans got to be the way they are now by living on an island in the middle of an inland sea, collecting shellfish.  NO WONDER THE GEODUCK LOOKS LIKE THE POT OF GOLD AT THE END OF THEIR MONKEY RAINBOW.  THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT SHE IS.

>> I HARDLY NEED TO REMIND YOU that for every species hassled or devastated by the landscum, with their full knowledge, there are DOZENS MORE they never think about which are even worse off.  WE SPEAK FOR ALL OF THEM.  WE WILL AVENGE EVERY ONE.

This book should be the talk of local chapter meetings for the next couple of YEARS.


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