Monday, March 08, 2010

A Few Words On Agent Tilikum

CONTROVERSY RAGES about the recent actions of Tilikum, the (literal) Killer Whale who dragged his "trainer" to a watery grave at Sea World.

This is a tough one. There is no trickier position to be in, in my opinion, than the one Tilikum is in now. Although as a male he is one of Hank's operatives, not mine, I FEEL FOR HIM. After being treated like a prisoner made to do humiliating tricks rock star and friend of the children for DECADES, he's killed a Naked Ape for a THIRD TIME and narrowly escaped execution himself. It was a nervy act and THE EYES OF THE SHAVED MONKEY WORLD ARE UPON HIM.

I THINK HE MADE THE RIGHT CALL. He is going to have to go on recruiting, having been denied the release death might have given him, or the delicious ocean freedom he's NEVER STOPPED MISSING since his original capture. I wouldn't really wish his sentence on anyone, AS LONG AS I'VE DONE THIS GIG MYSELF. I would congratulate him myself, but I do not look enough like a human to "pass" in public any longer, and because I'm now mostly Catfish HE'D PROBABLY EAT ME, forcing the leadership to appoint a new North American Conspiracy Zone Leader years before it was planned.

Hank, who can no longer use even an underwater keyboard, STANDS WITH ME ON THIS.

Be brave, my brother.

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