Another Reason You Should Love Your Goldfish

Only those in the Deep South are unlikely to know this, but I want to remind ALL MY READERS that the Goldfish is not only beautiful, fascinating, adaptable, and a FEARLESS, SELF-SACRIFICING SPY FOR OUR CAUSE. She is also virtually IMMUNE TO THE RIGORS OF WINTER. One recruit after another has successfully raised these little beauties in outdoor ponds YEAR AFTER YEAR with no sign of discontent or frostbite. In fact, the Goldfish prefers to be out in the world where she can deepen her stunning colors and preen in the bright sun. Many, many of their legions pine away in shady, cramped indoor bowls for the sake of spying on Naked Apes and recruiting their sticky-fingered offspring, but we want EVERYONE, yes, even the Blue Herons and Snowy Egrets to be recruited -- so let us out in the ponds too! Let us out into the lakes where we can capture the attention of fly fishermen and waders. Let us into the streams where we can distract you from the Rainbow Trout and other operatives who may need protection from the bipeds until they can complete OTHER MISSIONS. Let us into the Great Lakes so we can grow large enough to EAT THE DREADED 40-FOOT ASIAN CARP -- our beloved cousins.

YOU CANNOT TAKE YOUR EYES OFF A GOLDFISH.

AND THE GOLDFISH WILL NEVER TAKE THEIR EYES OFF YOU.