My Question Is This...

...If Killer Asian Flying Carp are the most dreaded menace since the Spanish Flu Epidemic of 1918, and they're ALREADY in America's waterways RIGHT THIS MINUTE, and ALL OUR LIVES DEPEND on keeping them out of the Great Lakes, why are we not getting constant bulletins about the destruction wrought by the moustachioed marauders?

Could it be that some town selectman or banker's wife lost a filling in one of those flying fish attacks and got hot under the collar?

Could it be that someone who went fishing and got an unexpected shiner the day before Missy's wedding wants to get his or her name in the paper?

Could this all be one of those personal vendetta things that have to be solved, Naked Ape fashion, on the talk-show circuit?

I'm just asking.