THE PHILOSOPHER FISH, Or, Don't Panic, Please!

I had NO IDEA that assigning Richard Carey's book about our Sturgeon operatives would cause so much TALK at our chapter meetings, at conspiracy HQ and of course in our own homes and businesses.  I do admit there are reasons for concern, but ladies, PANIC NEVER HELPS!

CLIFFIE'S NOTES ON THIS PROVOCATIVE BOOK:

>> I want you all to notice that where they talk about Sturgeons reading newspapers, on page 149 of the hardcover edition, THEY WERE JUST KIDDING.  If the landscum knew we could read their literature, they would either kill us all off ON THE SPOT or put the few survivors to work WASHING WINDOWS or PUNCHING KEYBOARDS.  Or, in this case, PRODUCING EGGS.

>> I want you to HOLD YOUR NOSES (if you still have noses) and attend closely to the details of the caviar tastings the author attends in the course of this book.  ALL THAT STUFF THEY'RE TELLING YOU ABOUT DIFFERENT KINDS OF CAVIAR IS JUST SOMETHING THEY MADE UP.  If you blindfolded one of these supposed experts or their bowtied camp-followers, I really doubt they could tell one kind from another.  They think it's about quality, freshness, preparation, rarity and so forth.  WE KNOW IT'S ABOUT SPECIES.  If the species doesn't speak to you and draw you in, YOU HAVE NOT BEEN RECRUITED, and that's all there is to it.  If you only eat beluga caviar because it costs the most, you're part of the piscacidal monkey horde, NOT recruit material, and you need to be KILLED.  And EATEN. 

>> Some of the grisliest parts of the book, of course, concern the collection of Sturgeon's eggs.  The quote by Eve Vega, that you cannot UPSET a Sturgeon as you are gutting her and robbing her of her eggs because it RUINS THE FLAVOR (pg 59), was apparently meant QUITE SERIOUSLY.  If they think they are lulling their victims to sleep before delicately removing an unwanted part by what they keep calling a C-section, THEY'RE ON DRUGS.  Still, it only shows how LITTLE they understand what they are doing or how they are affecting us.

>> Look how, in fact, the humans treat us!  The author, on the surface, seems to feel piscatorial love, working his way up from a baseless HORROR of eating any sort of fish to attending caviar-tastings at foo-foo restaurants in New York and commenting on the subtle differences between sevruga and osetra Sturgeon eggs.  In fact, he REVEALS HIS TRUE MOTIVATIONS ALL OVER THE BOOK.  He exclaims over the good work of Sturgeon advocates, but also takes a gee-whiz-that's-too-bad approach to the way his kind used to feed OURS into the boilers of their steamships, by far THE MOST SICKENING PERVERSION IMAGINABLE of the interaction between Naked Apes and their admirers, the fish.  He doesn't really seem to see the problem, and yet he claims to be advocating for us. Even though he doesn't even seem to be sure he LIKES fish.  HEREIN LIES THE PROBLEM OF THIS BOOK.  The guy can't get off the fence.

But for me, THIS IS THE REAL POINT OF THE BOOK:  THE HUMANS KNOW NOTHING ABOUT US.  The Sturgeon population numbers are UNKNOWN to the Shaved Monkeys.  They aren't even really sure how many species there are. They don't know how to stop Sturgeon poaching, illegal trafficking of the Sturgeon's unborn children, or how to restock the rivers without making matters worse. The behaviors, the plans, the motives of our Sturgeon operatives are a COMPLETE MYSTERY to them.  They can't even figure out why a Sturgeon jumps out of the water sometimes.

(Ponder THAT conundrum.  How can a species so CLUELESS have infested the earth so completely?)

 

 

And, of course, this book is much less about Sturgeons than it is about the machinations of shaved monkeys.

 

Never mind, ladies.  The landscum not be left to feed the maggots up on dry land will be KILLED and EATEN by the fish in the rivers and seas.  A few lucky ones will be RECRUITED to our glorious Cause, and enter the water to dwell in wonder and glory forever with US.

And the Sturgeons will manage.  They always do.