You Know, This Kind Of Ticks Me Off...

 

 

A landfish in our employ gave me a copy of a chapter from a book called Strange Deaths by John Dunning, a human; ISBN = 978-0099416609.  In this chapter -- about a chemistry professor who killed his wife by slipping something into her blackberry jam that gave her terminal cancer -- both the author and the police TOTALLY MISS the fact that the case was broken, not by the dying wife or an alert lab assistant, but A POND FULL OF MURDERED GOLDFISH, WHO CRIED OUT FROM THEIR WATERY GRAVE FOR JUSTICE.  He tested the effects of something they call "Substance X" on a pond full of recruiting operatives in his own backyard, claiming that he must have used too much when he was clearing the water of algae.  Are you featherless bipeds for real?  Allow me to elaborate...

CLIFFIE'S NOTES:

>> Clearly the professor, well-known for the high quality of his work, was either trying to establish himself in public as an idiot who did not know the properties of the tools of his trade when he committed this mass murder, or he was counting on the fact that most other people do NOT know the properties of the stuff.  I tend to think it's the former.  But human logic is not that clear to me anymore, as I turn more and more into a Catfish, and that logic is well-known to BREAK DOWN when there is a crime being committed.  Either way, he killed a whole pod of our sisters and then showed the victims of the crime to a group of his students.  STUDENTS WE COULD HAVE RECRUITED IF HE HADN'T KILLED US.

>> The police clearly thought it was significant that the professor killed his fish -- AFTER the fact.  Did they ever charge him with anything related to that crime?  NO.  Why?  Remember what I told you in a previous post about how Naked Apes see Goldfish?  Uh-huh:  "FISH ARE CONSIDERED FURNITURE."  Somehow in the mind of a human, if Goldfish are imported into a backyard pond, those fish BELONG to the human who imported them -- not as children belong to their parents, to be protected at all costs, but as an ottoman belongs to the guy who owns the living room.  HIS PROPERTY -- TO CARE FOR, ABUSE OR THROW AWAY AS HE DESIRES. 

>> If the featherless bipeds in question had ANY real sense of WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND THEM, they would have been suspicious immediately.  This species goes on and on and ON about how cruelty to animals is a precursor to violent crimes against each other -- but still they fail to make the connection.  CRUELTY IS CRUELTY.  VIOLENCE IS VIOLENCE.  THERE'S NO DIFFERENCE, YOU IDJITS.

>> Of course, part of my indignation is the fact that we were well on our way to completing recruitment on the professor's wife when she was separated from her connection to the fish army.  And then she died in agony herself.  See, f you murder them separately, EVEN BY THE SAME METHOD USING THE SAME BOTTLE OF POISON, the recruiter and the recruit are not rejoined in the Roiling Intestine of Dagon.  All that effort was wasted.

>> Even the pond algae was of NO FURTHER USE TO ANYONE after this went down.  It was poisoned, too.  NOW THERE'S A CRIME FOR YOU.