Thursday, December 25, 2014

How's This for the Best Christmas Ever?

What did we find on the idiot box as we ate Squidmas dinner this afternoon but an all-day reality-TV Shark marathon that did NOT bore us to tears.  So many of them JUST DON'T DELIVER, but this day's programming was the genuine article. 
And if Catfish could cry, one item I saw on the screen would definitely have moved me to tears: during a countdown of the 10 most dangerous Sharks (for some reason they did two slightly different countdowns in a row), they came clean with ALL HUMANS REALLY NEED TO KNOW about the true identity of the Shark operative who recruited so many Shaved Monkeys in 1916, in the waterway they still call Matawan Creek.  He was still human enough to want some RECOGNITION when it all happened.  The itty-bitty baby Great White who dropped by to eat the crumbs from his table -- well, the whole idea that that tiny hatchling ate six knobby old humans, in only 12 days, IN FRESH WATER, is LAUGHABLE. 
It's the usual dilemma when you're turning from a Naked Ape into a glorious Fish. Even as your human thinking slips away in the water, you still catch yourself grasping at times for status, your name in the paper, all human eyes on you, seeing you as the TOP OF THE HEAP.  And even if you did something that gives the Naked Apes the willies, geez, you don't want someone else getting the credit for it.  In fact, who but a Naked Ape would do a phony confession to the cops, or write a phony letter to the newspaper claiming to be this or that notorious but never-caught criminal?  This tendency will never go away until you are really and truly a water-breather, with a totally new set of priorities.
So, we cannot of course post the name of the Internet, but at least we as landfish -- and as staunch compatriots of the real fisher of men in this case -- can comfort ourselves that they finally figured out the OBVIOUS.  Yeah, he was (heck, still is) a BULL SHARK. 
What we know, he knows.  For him, as the last few human brain cells shrivel up and disappear, this is the BEST SQUIDMAS EVER. 


Blogger Ur-spo said...

May the new year be most splendid for you.

6:28 PM  

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