ShubunKin Pilot Project Completed -- Results Are In!

OK, THE PILOT PROJECT RESULTS YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR HAVE FINALLY BEEN RELEASED INTO THE WATERWAYS BY FISH CONSPIRACY R&D!!!

...And they've decided to DITCH any further attempt to lure ANY further Naked Ape recruits via the "Shubun Kin" method.  Let me put it to you this way:  IT'S A BUST.

>> IT'S NOT that the Shubunkin is ANYTHING but an EXEMPLARY GOLDFISH.

>> IT'S NOT that a Shubunkin recruiter is not as effective AS EVER SHE WAS in the field. 

>> In fact, SHE DRAWS THEM INTO THE WATER LIKE LEMMINGS, THEN and NOW.

>> IT'S NOT that ANY type of recruitment by Goldfish is FLAWED.  OH, NO.

>> There is simply a core contradiction between being a Shubunkin and being "Shubun Kin."  Simply put: NEVER THE TWAIN SHALL MEET.  If you are OtherKin, you cannot be a Shubunkin.  Or the other way around.

The reason we're suspending, nay, DEEP-SIXING this project is that it doesn't bring in ANY of the recruits we want.  On the face of it, using the doofusy OtherKin idea as applied to Goldfish seemed to hold GREAT promise.  But Shubun Kin recruiting...well... NEVER NETS US ANYTHING, to use a Naked Ape metaphor. 

When I think about it with the few human brain cells I have left, IT DOES MAKE SENSE.  If you can't even commit to being the specie you already are -- especially a self-important, vainglorious specie like Homo sap. -- how are you going to commit to changing over to being a Goldfish -- a decidedly more GLORIOUS but INFINITELY MORE RISKY life to lead?  Certainly in the North American Conspiracy Zone, the Naked Ape is as risk-averse as it is possible for a glory-hound species like this to be.  These featherless bipeds want protection from every broken fingernail, and if that nail breaks despite all precautions, SOMEONE'S GONNA GET SUED.  There is no subsection of humanity more hung up on the metaphorical barbed wire than the OtherKin, who will not allow themselves to be either Shaved Monkeys or Snowflakes, Shaved Monkeys or Dragons, Shaved Monkeys or Abstract Philosophies...  How you gonna do more than get their hairy monkey feet wet, so to speak?  THEY NEVER DECIDE IT'S SAFE TO GO BACK IN THE WATER.

This was a GREAT learning experience, frankly.  (She shuddered.)  Back to business, everyone.  Get out there and draw some more Naked Apes into the sea.