Saturday, November 01, 2014

Security Leak Fails To Make A Difference To Our Glorious Cause...

The ladies in the photo above GAVE THEIR ALL to recruit more Shaved Monkeys into our ranks.  Show some respect.
At the moment, Shrimp are a bit of a hot property if you are landscum.  Plummeting prices -- brought about by the mass production of zombi Shrimp in factory farms -- have encouraged the Shaved Monkeys to buy up our operatives by the 5- or 10-pound bag.  Sometimes they are purchased aux naturals but sometimes they arrive in the grocery cart boiled -- for dipping in that horrible red sauce they make -- or peeled, dipped in batter and fried, doused in eye-searing spices and steamed, or sometimes even rolled in coconut. 
It's a crazy world we live in when you have to wonder whether your daughter's career is going to mean being rolled in coconut and baked in an oven.  The things we have to do to get by!
But the statistics are still FAR TOO LOW.   There is a small army of featherless bipeds out there who actually keep track of this sort of information, SAVING US THE TROUBLE, and the current figures (they date back to 2012) indicate that the average American eats only 4 lbs of Shrimp per year, trailed by the runners-up, canned Salmon and canned Tuna.  THIS IS PATHETIC. 
I'm even more exercised when I see the number of recruiters per recruit.  The more they overfish our homes, the smaller the operatives captured and you wind up wasting many lives per Naked Ape recruit.  If all these ladies are going to sacrifice themselves, I WOULD LIKE THERE TO BE A DAMNED REASON FOR IT.  You don't need 125 operatives to recruit 1 featherless biped; you only need the RIGHT one.  The same job that could be done by a single Shrimp is being done by literally dozens of smaller abductees -- concealed in eggrolls in many cases -- ladies who could have lived longer, gained in strength and experience, and thereby done a more effective job on more Shaved Monkeys.
On the bright side, Americans DO LOVE TO SUPERSIZE.  When they can get them they will consume ULTRA-COLOSSAL operatives (that's 2 size notches ABOVE "Extra Jumbo") and very often, a single meal is all it takes.
But there's even more good news.  The landscum have been so unreliable in tracking the origins and intent of the Shrimp they eat that in a random sampling of 70 restaurants and 41 grocery stores nationwide, they were terrified to find that some of the operatives finding their way into the nation's freezers and buffets are NOT WHAT THEY HAD IN MIND AT ALL.  Some of them can't even be clearly identified by species.  While on the surface this looks like a security leak -- and it is -- they interpreted the information wrong, AS ALWAYS.  They are focusing their attention on better regulation of the fishermen and basically ignoring the operatives, even though the news is full of articles right now with titles like "Are They Really Shrimp?" 

Here's your answer, foolish brachiator:  No.  No, they are not Shrimp.  They are your destiny.  They are your future. 


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