Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Greenpeace Submarine Attack on Our Operatives Blows Over

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING, as it turns out.

A Greenpeace-owned 2-monkey submersible attacked some of our operatives out of nowhere earlier this week, and the fight was UGLY but BRIEF.  If you are still sufficiently human to watch the TV news, you are probably familiar with the recent shootings and other intra-landscum altercations caught on people's cellphones, police dashboard cameras and closed-circuit TV tapes.  Well, this is MORE OF THE SAME -- except that instead of a police officer shooting an unarmed man for obeying orders during a routine traffic stop, or a neighborhood watch patrolman pistol-whipping a stranger to death because he looked suspicious, this time the dashboard camera makes it look as if a mob of angry Squid are taking Greenpeace to task.  In fact, AS YOU ALL KNOW ALREADY, the "attack" was merely an inkscreen to conceal certain activities I AM NOT ABOUT TO POST ON THE INTERNET.

The sad thing about this incident is that it underlines the monkey tendency to see this species as rough trade -- Shaved Monkeys call these ladies Jumbo Squid, Humboldt Squid and even -- in a TV special I keep meaning to review for you here -- Killer Squid.  Can you believe it?  They have this funny hang-up on the color RED and, when on alert, these ladies do indeed LIGHT UP RED.  (They IGNORE the fact that in other circumstances, they light up in other colors -- as when they turn WHITE WITH RAGE.)  To a human in the USA red tends to mean DANGER.  WARNING.  TROUBLE.  STOP.  That doesn't prevent them from seeing a group of red Squid in flight and PLOWING STRAIGHT INTO THEM, the way these idiots did, and PISSING US OFF.

There's another connection they keep missing.  Many shaved monkeys have commented on the smell of ammonia emitted by Squid.  They forget that it is the smell of URINE.  The smell of being PISSED.  And they never figure out that when you snag one of us on a hook and drag us, fighting and screaming, out of the water to be sliced up and stuffed in a cat-food can, hey, that PISSES US OFF.


At least none of our secrets were revealed this week, ladies.  Let them keep their dumb ideas about the Jumbo Killer Humboldt Squid.  THE STEREOTYPES ONLY OFFER US ANOTHER LAYER OF PROTECTIVE COLORATION.


Blogger Ur-spo said...

this was hilarious. thanks.

6:08 PM  
Anonymous Doctor Kaiju said...

Please note that this event occurred far north of the Humboldt's normal range.

Territory gained, thanks for warming up the water, humans! So toasty!

Now go on about your business watch movie stars gabber about ebola. Nothing to see here.

6:36 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home