THE DEADLY DEEP

YOU HAVE TO LOVE THIS ONE.

This astounding post-Jaws novel of piscatorial love was penned by Jon Messmann.  It's a New American Library publication, released in 1976, is simply SPECTACULAR. 

PLOT SUMMARY:  All the fish in the world get mad at the people and FINALLY START SHOWING IT.  Every Shaved Monkey venturing too near the water is ASKING FOR A HORRIBLE DEATH. 

Will anyone survive?  STAY TUNED...

CLIFFIE'S NOTES ON THIS INSPIRING WORK:

I like the range of assault techniques used by the various piscatorial operatives: 

• A Blue Whale breaches magnificently, and while splashing down splinters a chartered deep-sea fishing boat. 

• The Herrings are more passive-aggressive, simply REFUSING TO GET INTO THE NETS. 

• The Crabs, like the Codfish and Bluegills, form inter-species assault squads.  Apparently they've been doing some R&D modifications as well, because you'll notice as you read that the Codfish unaccountably have grown bitey teeth, and the Crabs know how to...blink?  Hey, don't ask me; that's what the book says.

• The Tuna get right to the point, piling violently into a fishing boat until it sinks.

• I especially like the eye-for-an-eye technique adopted by the Octopus army.  That was a nice touch.  Or maybe I should say a nice beak, planted between the baby blues of the intrepid, two-legged Octopus hunter...

...And on and on.  What every fish reader would understand immediately upon reading this book -- AND WHAT EVERY NAKED APE READER WOULD CLEAN MISS -- is the real reason the fish are so fed up:

ALL THE HUMANS DO IN THE COURSE OF THIS STORY IS HAVE SEX AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY.  Every female character in the story is some male's high-cheekboned, full-breasted bed wench, tossing her Farrah Fawcett hair over her shoulders as she hoists her skirt just a little higher, revealing her moist folds of...BLEAGH.  You have to wade through incredible amounts of this stuff to get to the good parts of the book.

AND THIS IS WHY WE HATE THEM.  ALL THEY THINK ABOUT IS THEMSELVES.  This book was published at the nadir of the Me Decade, when the self-absorption of this species was reaching new and then-unparalleled heights.  I don't need to tell you that in the years since, THINGS HAVE GOTTEN WORSE THAN ANYONE DARED TO DREAM.

THEY HAVE TO GO.

READ THIS ONE.  YOU'LL REALLY LIKE IT, AND I GUARANTEE DISCUSSIONS ABOUT IT AT THE CHAPTER MEETINGS ARE GOING TO ROCK THE FISHTANK.