Friday, June 29, 2007

Ray Troll: Recruiter Of The Year...Every Year!

Are you already starting to worry about what to have under the Squidmas tree this holiday season? I CERTAINLY WAS until I remembered the Ray Troll website. Yes, when you click on that link you will be looking at commercially-available fish-themed Christmas cards. DO YOU NOT HAVE TO LOVE IT?

I can think of only one possible improvement: tentacled wrapping paper. I've tried to get the HP Lovecraft Historical Society to whip some up for us, but beyond polite expressions of interest I've seen NO RESULTS. Ray Troll, on the other hand, is a man we can count on for one funky-fresh fish fash after another. Being one of our best recruiters, yet ENTIRELY HUMAN, he offers the PERFECT COVER for the fish conspiracy to begin changing Christmas to Squidmas for children ALL OVER THE WORLD. I may yet e-mail him to pitch the idea.

What makes Troll's sales items SO FANTASTIC, aside from their high quality and terrific recruiting applications, is that they are WILDLY POPULAR among the Shaved Monkeys. This means that you do not need to be one of our operatives to wear them, hang them up, or send them in the mail. One year I had one of his calendars hanging in my public office and never saw anyone raise an eyebrow.

Let me give you an even better example of how harmless this man seems to the human population. Back when I was still struggling with my identity as a human, not realizing that I was actually turning into a Catfish and that all my landscum problems would soon be OVER, my therapist gave me a Ray Troll "FISH WORSHIP: IS IT WRONG?" t-shirt as a gift.

What she thought of as a gag was actually a NUMINOUS MOMENT OF REALIZATION for me. It was my first introduction to Ray Troll, and in a way it helped introduce me to my own destiny. I still have that t-shirt and wear it on ceremonial occasions.



Blogger Ur-spo said...

cool cool ccol and then some.

8:14 PM  
Blogger Duamuteffe said...

A bit off-topic again, sorry, but do you happen to know any of the operatives in Scarborough, on the Yorkshire coast? I was there all weekend and what I assume to be their temple of Dagon is in shocking disrepair. Also, we were down by the sea quite a bit in the late evenings (there's some excellent sea life in the rock pools to look at, especially when the tide goes out at dusk), and we weren't dragged off into the sea even once. In retrospect I'm grateful, not really being ready for the whole aquatic experience just yet, but still, we figured such a popular seaside resort would have a more active recruitment program going on.

2:26 AM  

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