Sunday, May 13, 2007

New Recruiting Technique Declared A Success

No doubt you have all EAGERLY READ about the fish farm employees rescued from a terrible death in an immense vat of fish feces. Let's just say it was a happy ending ALL THE WAY AROUND, as we have four happy new recruits and they have a great piece of disinformation circulating to keep them confused. What's intriguing to me is that all the news organs YANKED the articles and printed retractions in the past couple of days. never fear; people NEVER read the retractions.

Now, I know you're already objecting that this is a very tricky position to lure a recruit into. TRUE ENOUGH. But the experiment has tremendous implications for landscum exposed to much smaller amounts of fish pooh, like Goldfish keepers and scuba divers. Someone in R&D got the idea after seeing a TV show about an Orthodox Jewish community mysteriously plagued by pork tapeworms. The answer to the mystery was oral-fecal contact, vectored by infected kosherless Guatemalan houskeepers. In other words, you don't have to immerse them neck-deep to get the desired results.

Oral-fecal contact -- now THERE'S an exalted image to send you off to bed.


Blogger Ur-spo said...

another argument for vegetarianism.

5:20 PM  

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