Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Recruiting Fest 2005 In Review

OK, OK, I think we FINALLY ALL GOT THE MESSAGE this time about the importance of saving the landscum poor suffering humankind from itself. Hurricane Katrina’s arrival on the lower edge of my Zone gave unexpected numbers of Gulf and Atlantic operatives a rare opportunity, at great personal hazard, to enter the living rooms of the unconverted and really see how the other half lives. NOT VERY PRETTY, IS IT?

I was MOST gratified to see how many operatives took one look at the conditions these people live in and volunteered for duty as recruiters. It’s tough work, but we all need to take a turn if we possibly can. It’s amazing how seeing the worst with your own eyes makes you ready to help.

Better yet: the bizarro, conflicting strata of human society assigned to help out in emergencies have basically NOT SHOWN UP, at least at this writing. Government monkeys are preventing the rescue and repair monkeys from entering the affected areas. This gives the rest of us any number of opportunities to get in on the ground floor (which are all underwater anyway), intervene and bring in a mass of new recruits.

The tricky part is convincing your average Naked Ape, at this particular moment in history, that THE WATER IS OUR FRIEND. The water is washing away everything they own, and they think that’s important, see? It is hard for those of us WITHOUT possessions and with only temporary dwellings to see it from the point of view of a creature that believes in NOTHING BUT the value of possessions. This is exactly why we are sending in so many Octopus gals – they are also natural collectors and can use the necessary psychology more effectively.

See, all those busted-up pieces of stuff you see floating in the water and tangling everything up below the surface is the wreckage of THEIR VERY LIVES. You’ll note, if you are sufficiently land-based to watch TV, that one of the chief activities of the stranded survivors has been to COLLECT MORE STUFF. They are stealing electronic gadgets that they cannot plug in anywhere. They want to collect new outfits when they have no closets to put them in. Sad, isn’t it? Because they cannot imagine OUR lives. The entire world is our home and we own nothing but our scales and barbels. Our lives are, in fact, their worst nightmare.

THAT’S WHERE WE COME IN. THEIR STRESS, ladies, is OUR FRIEND. At this writing, some of these people have been short of food and water for days, broiling in the sun on their rooftops, and primed to believe anything they see. One thing every human sees at the water’s edge, maybe without noticing, is the attractive prospect of simply slipping into the water and swimming away.



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