Thursday, April 13, 2006

Fish Conspiracy Notes


The meetings I attended with my counterparts in the other areas of the world have been excellently positive, overall.

>> Non-fish operatives, as a group, are stalled in our Zone. Recruitment is low. This is acceptable for the moment, but it cannot go on indefinitely. This sector has actually lost some ground, in that a few operatives blabbed and got put on anti-psychotics. REMEMBER THE LESSON WE LEARNED watching Twelve Monkeys; Bruce Willis wound up in chemical shackles because he ran his mouth about his TRUE MISSION...It never fails to make me laugh that this was meant to be a movie about PRESERVING the human race. AND that it mentions monkeys in the title.

>> I have not heard a single report of the exposure of a partially-fish operative. You are, for instance, listed in the CDC archives as chronically or terminally ill, if you are listed at all. WONDERFUL WORK. KEEP IT UP.

>> Quite a few promising new operatives have MADE THE TRANSITION this year and left our Zone, entering the sea to begin fully-aquatic duty. Not one of these supposed "deaths" has raised a single eyebrow in the landscum community. I THINK WE ARE GETTING BETTER AT THIS.

>> We STILL have no operatives in Nebraska. Why is this so hard?

>> Squinky, the South Pacific Zone Leader, is in the opposite situation. Her nonfish operatives are multiplying like Snails in a Goldfish bowl, and her ENTIRE DEMI-FISH STAFF appears to have stalled, and I mean for the WHOLE LAST YEAR, at the threshold of entering the ocean. This makes for quite a back-up. I FULLY REALIZE that these things are cyclical and they ALWAYS SMOOTH OUT ON THEIR OWN; but as your St. Lawrence Seaway Zone Cabal Leader I am bound to worry.

>> Gertruuid, the Northern Circumpolar Zone Leader, reports that the invading army of Red Crabs is doing its job perfectly, clearing the ocean floor along the upper edge of Europe in a way that would have done our ace scorched-earth operative, Attila the Hun, proud. Believe it or not, Attila was not even in on this operation: "He just sat back and chuckled," is the way Gert put it to me. The next phase is coming up soon.

>> The glaciers are calving like nobody’s business. This is doing great things for the Narwhal operations, too.

>> OF COURSE YOU KNOW that this means all the Earth’s dry spots get A LITTLE WETTER EVERY DAY.

>> Consuela, the Southern Circumpolar Zone Leader, is having a lot of problems. She remains cheerful; having so little landscum interference would make me cheerful too. She describes the issues as annoying, but tolerable. They should be back on schedule by fall of 2009.

>> Deep Trenches Zone Leaders Xthuulina (Pacific) and Muffy (Atlantic) talked primarily about the difficulties of having to get out of the way of the submersibles every Tom, Dick and Harry is dropping into the deepest water they can find. This is a new problem for them, having Monkey People show up at odd moments. WELCOME TO MY WORLD! Otherwise, everything is going great down there.

>> The landscum of the USA continue to produce defective offspring, made worse by their dependence on synthetic medicines, execrable diet and lousy parenting. Parenting is of course very important in the proper upbringing of an "intelligent" species. (ANOTHER ADVANTAGE WE HAVE OVER YOU!) Soon these faulty specimens will be the only humans left in the country. At this point it will be ALL OVER BUT THE SHOUTING.


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