I Went Online And Bought Some Electric Eels!

 

 IMAGINE MY SURPRISE when I learned that anyone with Internet access and a credit card can rush out and buy a full set of Electric Eels -- or, heck, multiple sets -- and get them shipped ANYWHERE without the need to cushion, aerate or feed!

OK, OK, I kid. These Electric Eels are marbles -- 24 playing size and 1 shooter. I confess I was startled to see such a thing on sale in this degraded era, when kids don't know what to do with a toy that comes without a power cord. When I was still mobile on dry land, less than 10 years ago, a kid admired some marbles we were both looking at and when I mentioned PLAYING with them, he looked quizzical and said, "There's a game you play with marbles?" I have to say, my heart sank. But today's Internet find buoys me up a bit. SOMEONE OUT THERE STILL UNDERSTANDS the aesthetic thrill, the five-fingered precision and the acquisitive LUST of playing that ancient game. And, yes, I do miss that aspect of being human. SUE ME.
AND SOMEONE OUT THERE IS MAKING FISH MARBLES, BY COD. Besides Electric Eels, you can also buy Tiger Sharks, Jellyfish, Blue Tangs, Octopus and even semi-aquatic ones like Hippo, Flamingo and Polar Bear.
WHAT A RECRUITING TOOL! GET OUT THERE, LADIES, AND BUY, BUY, BUY! USE CONSPIRACY FUNDS!